A Confession – Why I REALLY Took a Time Out..

October 24, 2009 by Tia · 22 Comments
Filed under: Conscious Creation, Forgiveness, Inspired Action, Passion, courage 

(I finished writing this post at 3am. Then, from 4am-5:30am, I rewrote it entirely. Here’s the unvarnished version cos you deserve the truth, not some hackneyed post glossing over the REAL stuff)

The Truth Will Set You FreeSo ya’ll know how I decided Tuesday evening to take a 2 day “Time-Out” from the Internet, phone, people, work, action, plans, ideas, commitments etc?

When I said “If you listen closely to your intuition and all the signs around you, you will learn to trust (as I am), that this can only be good“?

I said I wanted to practice self care and spend time doing whatever appealed to me in the moment, something I thought would be a cinch seeing as I’m so good at doing what feels good. Well, that was 80% true.

Uh… the other 20%?

I lied.

By omission.

You see, I left out the reason why I wanted to do it.

The real truth is that I took that time out because I was getting carried away with seeking validation from external factors and it was starting to wear me out. There, I said it.

Can you say OBSESSION?

(And no, I’m not channeling Calvin Klein)

I’m talking about the insidious little devil called comparison. It’s bad enough to compare myself with others way ahead of me in terms of years and experience, but to constantly compare myself with myself too?

This ship was getting harder to steer and I was losing my peace of mind (pieces too).

*Deep Breath*

(Btw, It’s already feeling good to fess up, although I was jittery at the start – make that Day 31 of 100 days!)

My obsession with “social proof”, blog stats, twitter followers, facebook fans, alexa & google page ranks, creating a powerful and engaged community, numerics and other non-blog related life desires that I dated with “must have & do” by such and such time, was getting out of hand.

Those of you who blog know what I’m talking about, right? We can get so addicted to external manifestations of success that we lose sight of why we’re doing something. Sometimes, if #’s didn’t show an increase from the previous week or month, I’d feel like I wasn’t “doing enough”. And think of ways I could do better and be more authentic (recurring theme in my life).

The Irony!

Trying to be more authentic = one simply can’t be authentic. Because, as my favourite Yoda-ism goes: Do or Do Not, There Is No TRY.  You are either authentic or you’re not. Period.

Ouch. I guess once you start being authentic, it doesn’t mean you will automatically carry on being. It requires constant awareness and “work”. Could that be cos authenticity requires vulnerability?

And being vulnerable is scary for the best of us?

I’d wager a yes.

When this blog went from 20 million to 510,000 within 3 months of me launching it, I was OVER the moon! Then I went travelling in July and it’s since dropped to about 1.3 million.

I hated going from nothing to something and sliding back to a little less something again (wow, get a LOAD of me – I hated it, really!? Hate?! Do I smell a little .. attachment here ;) ?

We tend to overlook the progress we’ve made when we look at how far we still have to go.

I still want all that I do – to be the best in my field, super successful, happy, write great posts, work with amazing people, make a difference, get married, travel, grow roses, live my dream life..

Except now, I have more patience and compassion for myself. Like most of us, I’m the hardest on myself. Keeping up to my standards is exhausting.

Which brings us back to Tuesday. When I decided I had to make a stand for myself, against myself, to remind me of what’s really important. I.e.,

The passion and love I have for writing, self improvement, personal growth, coaching, having fun, connecting with people and living an inspired life.

(Which is why I started blogging in the first place. To share my experiences, inspire people AND learn from them. And attract a community of like minded peeps. And make great friends.. And..and..ok, ok)

Even during those 2 days, at 1st I tried to be ultra-productive as in: “I’d-better-do-some-good-introspective-work, figure-out-where-I-need-to-grow-and-learn-and-do-it, so-I-have-something-to-show for-this. So-that-when-I’ve-sorted-it-out, everything-will-just-come-to-me-easy-peasy-forever-n-ever”

(Oh my, I just can’t help laughing here! Even when I’m introspecting, I’m doing a number on myself!! That’s hilarious, right!!? Giggle! Snort! LOL!)

Day 1 was a bit of back and forth between wanting to be productive and just goofing off, till I took myself for a walk in the rain and ended up with fear-day #30.

Day 2 was a real laid back, watching movies and reading Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” kinda gig. That’s when it started to get good, real good.

So good that I’m going to share it with you. The edumacation I got when I decided to just be open to whatever showed up! Handpicked are Tolle’s simple and profound teachings that seemed to leap off the pages I was on …

  • The mind holds the unconscious belief that its resistance, (which you experience as negativity or unhappiness in some form), will somehow dissolve the undesirable condition.
  • But resistance leads to more of the same.
  • The way to attain peace? Don’t look for it. Nothing you seek is outside of you. Don’t look for any other state than the one you are in now.
  • When you completely accept the lack of what you seek, it gets transmuted into what you seek (this one really spoke to me – I reckon it’s where my intuition was leading me – ya THINK!?)
  • The outer situation of your life is like a lake’s surface – calm, windy, rough according to seasons. Deep down, the lake is always undisturbed.

Because the truth is, I’m further along on my path than I’d ever imagined, I’m rocking this joint called life, I’m truly happy and successful, have an awesome community of friends and readers, love what I do, know some of the most amazing people ever, sparkle with good vibe energy, have big plans and live a good, simple life.

As Stuart Smalley says:  I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me! *wink*

Time-Out gave me a chance to embrace my blessings, an opportunity to practice extreme self care, insights into my patterns, face my ego-based fears, become aware of the attachment to externals, and taught me to not equate performance with popularity.

It also gave me lots of chocolate cake. Yes sirree, life is GOOD. Now where shall I send the comparison monster..

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If you actually read all the way through, send me your deets and I’ll send you over some Nutella! Boy I had a lot to say thanks for reading :) I won’t ask you any questions this time, feel free to share whatever pops up. Maybe let intuition guide you. I love you!

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1..2..3…Time Out!

October 20, 2009 by Tia · 13 Comments
Filed under: Inspired Action, Intention, Life, courage 

We all need a time out

Spoiler Alert!

Have you seen Penelope?

It’s the story of a blue blooded girl who is born cursed – with the nose of a pig.

The only way to get rid of that curse is to find true love with “one of her own kind”.  Which the family takes to mean a young man from the same strata of society.

Many suitors come and go as they realise no amount of money is worth marrying such an ugly, pig faced girl.

Poor little thing.

(She so desperately wants to be normal.)

Then one day, she runs away from home. Has a few adventures and comes back home to get married to a guy who wants that money. And soon comes to a Very Important Conclusion, one that changes her life and everything as she knows it.

Right after she runs away from her almost- wedding saying “I like myself the way I am,” when she stops trying to get rid of the curse (what you resist persists!) and declares that she loves herself pig snout and all (acknowledges her reality), something happens.

Her pig snout is magically replaced with a cute little nose.

A Miracle! How could this be! Penelope realises after all these years, that she had the power to change herself all along. She just had to love herself first ..

She didn’t know that though. Didn’t believe in herself. How could she, when no one else did? (well she could, but that’s a different story!)

Years spent waiting for her true love to come and rescue her, when all she needed was to love and rescue herself.

How many of us are like her, I wonder? Waiting for someone else (our partner, parents, kids, boss, friends) to make us happy, make it all better or make it all go away?

Truly, self love is the biggest love of all. I don’t mean that in a selfish, look out for yourself all the time kinda way, I mean it in the ”Love yourself so you can love others and let them love you” kinda way. Then again, I have a feeling you know exactly what I mean.

Fyi, A vital component of self love is knowing when to take time out. Consistently.

You are NOT selfish for cancelling all your appointments, backing out of commitments, taking yourself away for a day or two, saying NO or for wanting to take care of yourself in the best way for you.

Remember, we change what’s on the outside by changing what’s on the inside. And for that, sometimes, we all need a little time out.

It’s scary no doubt. With all the people who depend on you – who might think you are being irresponsible or selfish if you put yourself ahead of their needs. Ask yourself, don’t you deserve it too?

Well, I do. And I am.

At midnight tonight, I am turning off my computer and going offline till Friday. I may even stretch it to the weekend but 2 days is the minimum I am giving to myself.

Well Tia, you probably don’t have much going on then, you say?

Au contraire, this month has been the busiest, biggest, craziest month I have had in terms of commitments, new projects, writing, various challenges, assignments and what have you.

So much so that I am nervous about being out of touch on email, twitter, facebook, with clients, and the gazillion things I have to do!

But I know this one thing for sure – focusing on externals when the internal hasn’t caught up paves the path for overwhelment, failure to launch and giving up.

If you listen closely to your intuition and all the signs around you, you will learn to trust (as I am), that this can only be good. To share your gifts with the world, you first need to share them with yourself.

So while I honour myself with extreme self care and love, connect with nature and myself, walk, read, journal and surprise myself for the next 2 days, I invite you to do something for yourself too.

Today, do one thing purely for YOU.

You are the most important person in your and your people`s lives and to be your best, you simply must treat yourself as someone worthy and precious of that.

Go buy your favourite magazine, sip a latte with a friend, go for a drive, buy yourself flowers, grab a beer, take a nap.

Me, I’m outta here like a fat kid on cake, like a bear on honey, like a dress on prom night. Until the weekend, adios and much love to you guys and gals!

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Ps: What are some of YOUR favourite ways of looking after yourself and taking Time Out? Please share them with us so we can all learn from each other, thanks in advance and see you on the flip side. Really looking forward to reading your comments when I get back :)

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