A Matter of Survival or Creating Dependency?

February 25, 2010 by Tia · 20 Comments
Filed under: Conscious Creation, Intention, Life, Passion, courage, love 

Tony Robbins shared a quote on his facebook page today:

“You don’t marry someone you can live with – you marry the person who you cannot live without.” Anonymous.

And then he added “I’m grateful I found my Wife Sage!”

As a person who believes in the power of words and consciously creating reality, I was taken aback. A bit stunned, actually.

Yes, I fully get the being grateful part.

But this part here, this one where it says “marry the person you cannot live without”?

WOW. Really?

There are about 50 “likes” and a bunch of comments, almost all of them saying “this is so true”!

Seriously!? Did anyone actually stop and think about the words for a second?

(btw, this quote is anonymous and the post is NOT about Tony Robbins, it’s about looking closely at the language we use)

So I posted:

Eh .. not true. I LOVE the sentiment behind it but the fact is, you CAN live without that person – you just choose not to live without them. Which is what makes it so beautiful :)

Then someone said:

When you love someone so much that a single moment without them in your life is not an option then i guess it is not a matter of choice.…..it is about your survival as they are the air that you breathe (edited out)……you feel complete in the circle of life gifted by the Higher Being!

So I said:

Saying that you can’t survive without someone’s love… that’s the only part of what you said that I question. Cos there is always a choice. So I see this as a choice, to think and believe what we do individually. The rest? Simply beautiful, magical, amazing – you are blessed indeed to have such love!

And they said:

Out of experience , i can state that the whole world seems to halt without that one person, may be true love tends to have such an impact!!!!!  (edited out) …i know what Tony means and the way he feels about Sage !

Which is when I decided to not say anything anymore.

Cos clearly this could go forever. I’m not negating the depth of anyone’s feelings, heck I’ve BEEN there, felt like that, esp in my teens and 20’s. Ok, even as recently as a couple of years ago.

And while it may seem that the world will come to a stop without this person, I can genuinely, with all the mended pieces of my broken and healed heart, say, not true.

Not true, not true, not true!

I am living proof! As are you, I’m sure. And all of us.

To say your survival depends on the presence of someone in your life, sounds less like love and more like need to me. We each CHOOSE what we believe.

Love by its very nature, nourishes, cherishes, gives life. You can ‘have’ love even without that special partner to spend the rest of your life with AND you can have it with them.

NB: (Unless you’re a baby – then you are 100% co-dependent and will not survive without a food provider – but you WILL survive without love. Maybe miserably and unhappily, but you will).

Till the day comes when you realise you ARE love.

Then, you’ll go beyond surviving, to thriving. Cliches notwithstanding.

Having experienced extremely co-dependent relationships where I really, truly felt like I couldn’t live without someone, I am now very conscious of the words I use.

Maybe that’s why I was goaded into writing this post (along with the fact it was Tony who passed it on.. being a master of words & NeuroLinguistic Programming, wonder if he thought about it at all?)

_______________________________________________________________________

What do YOU think? Am I over analyzing or would you have felt the same way? Why would someone choose to believe they don’t have a choice? I’ve got an idea but would love to hear YOUR insights, thanks for sharing!

ps: parts of the other person’s comments have been edited out for privacy reasons..

Tags: ,

Giving Your Power Away And Don’t Know It?

November 9, 2009 by Tia · 7 Comments
Filed under: Conscious Creation, Life 

Stop giving your power awayThe other day I went to the gym. After a month long hiatus.

Now you probably know it’s hard enough getting INTO a new routine, without dropping in and out of it.

Well, let this be official: it’s even harder if you secretly hate part of your routine.

Oh say, like the squats. (SQUATS! What kind of a funny name is that anyway? Huh!)

Skawts. For some reason, they are exceptionally hard for me to do, yet I kept doing them. I “had” to cos they were a part of the training schedule that had been developed by the trainer & me. Week after week, dreading and still doing them.

Did it even occur to me that I could have just scrapped that part of my routine?

Er.. I’m almost red-faced to say NO.

I wished I could, but I’d convinced myself I wouldn’t reach my desired goals.

Mistake # 1! Assuming that once a “seemingly good” decision has been made, it’s always going to be good.

I laboured with the sets and # of reps. Got so sore I could barely walk without wincing for 3 days. I still went back and pushed myself again, repeating this series of events for a month. I was gonna conquer those SKAWTS!

Mistake # 2! Ignoring the messages being sent by my body and relating to the “no pain no gain” theory.

Then I reduced the reps. Which led to guilt for not doing it properly and losing motivation. Which saw me not going for a month, until this “other day” I’m talking about.

Mistake # 3: Giving up without looking into what was happening or finding a way to get creative about my routine.

This time around, as I started doing those darn squats again, a flicker of an idea whispered “gee, you could just skip this part, y’know”. It was like the wool had been lifted off my eyes.

The “truth” that I believed – that leaving this bit out was going to ruin the results – wasn’t so true anymore.

What happened next? I got up and moved on to the next exercise with a big smile on my face. HAH!

Who’s to say I can’t look (and feel) the way I want by doing exactly what I want? In this case not only did I ignore my feelings, but I also clean forgot about exercising my MOST important muscle – the Power of Choice!!

It got me thinking.

Where else in my life do I give this power away? Where do YOU?

Like me, you exercise choice every day. You’re smart enough to know YOU choose everything – from your feelings to your reactions to your experiences to the clothes you buy and breakfast you eat.

And yet, like me, sometimes you too forget that you have that power at all!

  • It happens when you let your lack of knowledge or expertise stop you from taking action
  • When you try to live your life by other people’s standards
  • When you let someone treat you badly cos you can’t change them
  • When you let fear make your decisions for you
  • You lose your power when you let life happen to you rather than making life happen

Think about it for a moment. Is there a part of your life that “makes” you feel powerless? Have you been through something so bad that you can’t imagine it ever being right again? Are you bogged down by all the things you want to do and conflicted between them and the ones you “need” to do?

Whatever your situation or particular challenge, I invite you to have another look. If you’ve been choosing what’s happening without consciously knowing it, it’s time to choose differently.

When you remember you have a choice in every single moment, a choice to think and act in a way that supports you, opportunities, events and ideas unfold that weren’t obvious to you earlier.

You’ve been given a gift, the gift of choice. How are you using it?

____________________________________________________________

I’d love to hear about the choices you’ve been making, conscious or subconscious, where you’re giving your power up. What are you choosing and what would you rather? Thanks for sharing!

Tags: ,