/code-blue_20/images/rss.gif)
/code-blue_20/images/coachtia.jpg)
The Repository of Fabulousness… YOUR blogs!
Hey guys!
Two things – First, I’m now on Day 9 of Round 2 of the 29 gifts in 29 days project I did last year and it’s so much fun to look for something special to do each day.
(Way to build that giving muscle – check it out and join me in this project if you feel at all inspired..)
Second, I came across this post on link love by awesome possum blogger Sarah Robinson (who borrowed it from Danny Brown and Cam Herold) and voila!
I’ve decided to be a shameless copy-cat and jump on the bandwagon.
(Whatever took me so long?! Why didn’t I think of this myself?)
Appreciation for YOU:
Over the past 11 months you have provided over the top value and priceless insights here – THANK you for that!
Thank you also for your presence, your sharing, your caring, your energy, your wit, your openness, your questions, your answers, your generosity, your heart. (Stop me if I’m getting too soppy ;))
I SEE YOU!!
I love reading your comments and your blogs, now it’s time for you to share your writing with everyone else here too.
Whether you blog regularly or once in a blue moon, don’t be shy – please add your link here. And if you read but never comment, then I ESPECIALLY want to hear from you! If you don’t have a blog, share your faves instead.
This is the time to let us into your world so we can get to know and love you! I’m already rubbing my hands in anticipation 
So, without further ado, tell us where to go to get MORE of your fabulousness!
- Your Name
- Your Blog’s Name and URL
- What you love blogging about
- How to connect with you – twitter, facebook etc
- Anything else you want to say about yourself, life, the Universe, chocolates, whatever – your space, your gig!
Looking forward to it! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
ps: Feel free to add your fav blogs to the list (thanks Laura for so generously doing that)
pps: Here’s a song I’m loving today that I really wanted to share with you. The lyrics are amazing – you’re only as tall as your heart will let you feel, you’re only as small as the world will make you seem.
(Thanks GorgeousSophie for posting this one!)
A Matter of Survival or Creating Dependency?
Filed under: Conscious Creation, Intention, Life, Passion, courage, love
Tony Robbins shared a quote on his facebook page today:
“You don’t marry someone you can live with – you marry the person who you cannot live without.” Anonymous.
And then he added “I’m grateful I found my Wife Sage!”
As a person who believes in the power of words and consciously creating reality, I was taken aback. A bit stunned, actually.
Yes, I fully get the being grateful part.
But this part here, this one where it says “marry the person you cannot live without”?
WOW. Really?
There are about 50 “likes” and a bunch of comments, almost all of them saying “this is so true”!
Seriously!? Did anyone actually stop and think about the words for a second?
(btw, this quote is anonymous and the post is NOT about Tony Robbins, it’s about looking closely at the language we use)
So I posted:
Eh .. not true. I LOVE the sentiment behind it but the fact is, you CAN live without that person – you just choose not to live without them. Which is what makes it so beautiful
Then someone said:
When you love someone so much that a single moment without them in your life is not an option then i guess it is not a matter of choice.…..it is about your survival as they are the air that you breathe (edited out)……you feel complete in the circle of life gifted by the Higher Being!
So I said:
Saying that you can’t survive without someone’s love… that’s the only part of what you said that I question. Cos there is always a choice. So I see this as a choice, to think and believe what we do individually. The rest? Simply beautiful, magical, amazing – you are blessed indeed to have such love!
And they said:
Out of experience , i can state that the whole world seems to halt without that one person, may be true love tends to have such an impact!!!!! (edited out) …i know what Tony means and the way he feels about Sage !
Which is when I decided to not say anything anymore.
Cos clearly this could go forever. I’m not negating the depth of anyone’s feelings, heck I’ve BEEN there, felt like that, esp in my teens and 20’s. Ok, even as recently as a couple of years ago.
And while it may seem that the world will come to a stop without this person, I can genuinely, with all the mended pieces of my broken and healed heart, say, not true.
Not true, not true, not true!
I am living proof! As are you, I’m sure. And all of us.
To say your survival depends on the presence of someone in your life, sounds less like love and more like need to me. We each CHOOSE what we believe.
Love by its very nature, nourishes, cherishes, gives life. You can ‘have’ love even without that special partner to spend the rest of your life with AND you can have it with them.
NB: (Unless you’re a baby – then you are 100% co-dependent and will not survive without a food provider – but you WILL survive without love. Maybe miserably and unhappily, but you will).
Till the day comes when you realise you ARE love.
Then, you’ll go beyond surviving, to thriving. Cliches notwithstanding.
Having experienced extremely co-dependent relationships where I really, truly felt like I couldn’t live without someone, I am now very conscious of the words I use.
Maybe that’s why I was goaded into writing this post (along with the fact it was Tony who passed it on.. being a master of words & NeuroLinguistic Programming, wonder if he thought about it at all?)
_______________________________________________________________________
What do YOU think? Am I over analyzing or would you have felt the same way? Why would someone choose to believe they don’t have a choice? I’ve got an idea but would love to hear YOUR insights, thanks for sharing!
ps: parts of the other person’s comments have been edited out for privacy reasons..
The UnPost.
Jeez, we’re 3 weeks into 2010!?
I’ve been missing at the blog. Got back a week ago but that’s no excuse.
Truth is, I’m struggling feeling uninspired to say anything.
Everything is the same and yet it’s not.
All the changes and wheels I set in motion last year are swirling around my ankles and reaching into my head like clouds bursting to rain.
I feel a restless edginess.
This is good! It means the path I’ve been on is nearing a destination and some doors are closing behind me as a result.
Others, they are opening.
And as it happens when doors open and close, they clang and make some noise which makes it hard to know exactly where you’re going.
Which is all fine cos as I said last week, when you don’t know what lies ahead, you just trust and get on with it.
I’ve already opened the door and stepped in.
Right now, I’m excited cos I know all sorts of wonderful things await and at the same time, I’m the caterpillar growing wings and leaving my old skin behind.
Which can be disconcerting.
I’m finding it a challenge to write about this process, perhaps cos I feel like I’ve already written and said everything I had to say about Inspired Action, Law of Attraction etc and now I’m thinking: what next?
Obviously I COULD say more about these topics, but the question is: Do I want to? I don’t know. I do know that there’s so much more that I have to share and do, I just don’t know what exactly.
Yet.
Which is why I’m working on it with my fabulous new coach Pam Slim!
One of the things she said to me was that I’ve been focusing on the WHAT so much that it could be what’s (ha! ha!) getting me stuck. (What as in: what do I want to say, what do I want to do?)
We got to thinking maybe that worked for me in the past but it’s not working now.
And cos my biggest values include freedom and connection, she suggested I look at the 2nd part, which relates to the WHO (The 1st part, freedom, is what being the boss of me has already brought me).
WHO!
Who do I want to work with, who do I like spending time with, who are “my people” aka my tribe. Who do I want on my bus along for the ride with me? Ahhhh!
How often do you get an idea and start running with the what and the how before figuring out the who?
For me, it’s been a loosely based idea – I resonate with smart, awake people who are interested in conscious creation, open and aware, growth oriented, fun, happy – YOU reading this, you are my person!
And if you are, then why am I waiting till I ‘have something to say’ instead of just telling you what’s going on in plainspeak? Cos you understand, you get it. And that’s all that matters.
Duh.
So rather than let another 2 weeks pass by before I appropriate my next newsletter into a blog post to cover up the fact I haven’t written anything in days, I’m just letting you know where I’m at and asking you to hang with me.
Since YOU are my people, I’m thinking something’s gotta be stirring for you too. So tell me, what’s going on? What’s happening with you / around you? What do you need right now? I’d like the next couple of weeks to be about giving voice to YOU.
So on that note, what would you like me to write about? What do you resonate with at this blog? What’s something you’d like me to address? Would YOU like to say something here? Sourcing you, so please chip in & thanks!
Your move.
(Just so you know, I’m not going anywhere, this is just the precursor to more of me, more of us. Thanks for being here). Yep, thatisall.
When You Don’t Know What Lies Ahead..
(*This is the ezine issue that went out last night – I wanted to share it with those of you who aren’t subscribed cos I feel there’s an important message here* To subscribe to the ezine, just enter your email address at the top right corner of this page.)
It was the last day of my trip and I made the 45 minute walk up to the Gondola on top of a hill, for some prime town views.
As I was enjoying the sights, I happened to look across into the distance and saw this particular view.
It isn’t the prettiest one but it WAS the most mesmerising and I’ll tell you why.
Do you see the path that starts at the bottom of the town in between some houses? The winding one that goes all the way to the top?
Well, if you were to stand at the bottom of that hill and look up, you would have NO idea where that path was going to lead you, or even what it looked like.
All you would see is the start and it might be enough to put you off because unless you saw signs somewhere, you wouldn’t know how long it would take to get there or if it even DID go somewhere.
What if you risked it and got lost? Or it started raining and you got soaked. Or if you ran out of food?
So some would just shake their head and walk around the lake instead cos then at least they’d see where it was taking them.
But some of you?
You’d think “Cool! The path looks like it’s been used before so I’m sure it’s safe and will get me SOMEWHERE. I trust that if there was a bear in the woods that there would be a sign somewhere but it looks pretty good to me.”
And off you’d go on an adventure!
You’d walk and walk and once you got to the top, you’d be rewarded with beautiful views, stunning scenery and perhaps an amazing sunset. And you’d be so very glad you took that chance.
What you decide to do, is how you’ll experience life in most cases.
Because you see, that path is pretty much like life. You can’t see what’s on the other end, all you can see is the road ahead of you, one step at a time. You’ll never know exactly what to expect no matter how well you plan. All you can do is be prepared, and get going.
And here’s the deal: from the other side, the path / your life looks clear as DAY!
Once you get there and look back, you’ll see how it winds to the right, then to the left, then it’s straight for a while, then a quick turn here and one there… it meanders through with a myriad experiences along the way. A few flowers here, some thorns there.
And if you never walked that path, you’d never see the flowers for fear of the thorns. You wouldn’t see that it was always going somewhere even when you didn’t think it was.
This was a pretty incredible lesson in trust and ‘hindsight’ that I got that day.
What if you took this to heart?
What if you trust that even though you don’t know where a particular action / path / decision will lead you, that it WILL lead somewhere? And that even if the road doesn’t seem clear and straight, it IS going exactly where you want to go?
I’ll tell you what it would give me – faith and trust in a divine plan.
Especially in those times when I’m not sure where I’m headed and wondering if I’m on the wrong path (can you relate to this?).
Imagine trusting, that in spite of our short sightedness, there is a bigger vision ahead and if all we did was to just show up and keep going, one day we’d know what it was all about. And till then? A plethora of experiences await to partner you on this journey!
I’ll leave you to think about this..
- Is there something you’ve been wanting but scared to do / ask for cos you couldn’t see what, where or how it would work out?
- Can you allow the knowledge that, no matter what it seems like, you ARE on the right track, help you take that step?
- What if everything really, truly was just as it was supposed to be – what would you do next?
______________________________________________________________________
Would love to hear some of your experiences about when you took action without knowing what was going to happen, and how it all turned out. Or just anything you feel compelled to share around this topic – I know you’ve got something there so lets hear it. Thanks in advance for reading, commenting and being here!
When The Destination is Better Than the Journey!
You’ve always heard me talk about how the journey is more important than the destination.
Well, I lied.
In this impromptu video I made while out on a walk at my holiday destination the other day, I had to eat my words.
So I’m amending that to 70% journey, 30% destination.
Cos if it isn’t going to be fulfilling, exciting and joyful when you get what you want, then why bother wanting / doing it at all?
Of COURSE the goal is important and most of the time, is so worth it IF you’ve managed to keep it in perspective.
Else, be prepared for the big let down that happens when you get what you wanted and then wonder what’s next.
I guess my point is that if you get all caught up in the big goals, and think that’s ALL that will make you happy, you’re headed to doomsville. But if you can keep focused on how awesome it will be AND enjoy the journey as well, you’re golden.
So – where else do you think the destination has the journey beat?
I like the example I gave but when I watched this vid again, I realised I left out the journey UPTO that point which is pretty awesome for most women. It’s just that last bit, the caterpillar turning into a butterfly stage that isn’t any fun.
The rest of the time? It’s what we CHOOSE to make it.
That’s all folks!
ps: Ok, I guess I lied again. The journey WAS kinda fun too! It’s just that the view from the top had it beat
(pps: Watch it at your own risk - it’s FULL of half eaten words, breathless talking and mispronunciations galore – I wasn’t going to put it up but since I haven’d done something that has scared me in a while, here’s my attempt to make up for that by putting up a bare bones, au natural edit-less single shot candid camera recording for you!)
I’ll be away from the internet *GASP* for a couple of days so am leaving you with some breathtaking views and a note sayin’ MERRY CHRISTMAS, happy holiday season and much love to you all.
I am SO grateful to have you in my life, reading, commenting, sharing, contributing to our community. You rock!
See you in a few days xoxo
Pursuing Happiness Is A Trap & YOU’RE in it.
Filed under: Intention, Life, Passion, Spirituality, happiness
Ever feel like you did something really stupid?
Irrational.
Something that made no sense at all.
Ever then kicked yourself when you did it again?
And again. And again?
You’re so aware, you really should’ve known better..
Ever made an assumption that turned out to be totally wrong?
What about the “good” assumptions – like assuming birthdays should be extra special days just cos you were born on that day. Like the best time to set new intentions is when it’s a new moon.
Like someone you love should love the same things you do.
How do these serve you?
When you assume something, it’s most likely based in fear. Fear that keeps you from truly being happy as long as you associate those thoughts with past actions and experiences.
I was thinking about assumptions and anticipation today as I wandered into my favourite little crystal / mystic shop near Queenstown.
About how I anticipated this trip and how I assumed it would make me feel. Getting here to find that it’s neither how I dreamed, nor how I expected.
(You’ve been with me as I planned this trip, excitedly booked flights, got my visa, and packed excitedly)
So where did that state of sheer happiness go?
Don’t get me wrong – it’s all going well and I AM happy, it’s just that I might have mistaken high energy and anticipation for happiness.
Thinking that cos it wasn’t as warm (weather wise) or as much of a homecoming I thought it would be, I would have to do something to be ‘happier’.
You see, in my mind, it was ’supposed’ to be a certain way.
As I browsed the shop still musing, I was drawn to a book.
Hello, the Happiness Trap. Resonance! What I read struck me: Did you know you’re shooting yourself in the foot when you make ‘looking for happiness’ your main goal in life?
Living a values based life is what will bring you true happiness, as opposed to living a goals based life – quoted non verbatim.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about dreams and goals and the pursuit of happiness is definitely one of human-kind’s biggies.
It’s when we assume that anything less than a happy vibe will take us away from this ultimate goal, that we pay a huge price – fear, anxiety and stress.
To live an illusion of happiness, most people shy away from negative feelings and do whatever they can to make them ‘go away’. These people are sometimes you and me.
(Even though for the most part, we DO know better, yay us!)
You’re smart enough to allow emotions and feelings to be fully experienced, knowing that what you resist persists.
You know all you want is to feel good again and being LOA and personal development savvy, you’ll stay with it so you can get past it. The way out of it is often through it.
It happened to me when I talked about being dragged into the emotions and drama of being a victim in the past, when I was hard on myself for being in that place again, till I realised just how far I had actually come.
But this book really got me seeing things differently again.
It made me see that anxiety is normal. Contrary to belief, happiness is not yet our normal state of being and is influenced by the fears of others around us as we’re growing up.
(I believe we ARE headed that way one little step at a time, just not fully there yet).
Happiness is not the same as feeling good.
It’s a feeling of being alive, full of life force energy. And by its very nature, life force energy covers all human emotions and ranges.
Just like the tide ebbs and flows, nature reinvents itself, trees and plants grow and die, life begins and ends, there is always a polar opposite of every emotion and feeling known to us.
This brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘acceptance’.
Accept not just the feeling that is in the moment, but also the fact that life WILL be up and down, you WILL sink back into old unwanted patterns every now and then, things will not always work out like you want, you WILL be sad, mad, bad, glad many more times in your life.
Accept that no matter how much spiritual work you do, how aware you are, how much you’ve learned and grown, you will experience the full range of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, as long as you live.
I’ve ‘ ed’ good and bad because it’s time to stop labelling these emotions. When you label, you separate and create pain by questioning why.
Accept that this is really, truly, ok. Like Charlie of Productive Flourishing says, what would happen if you didn’t think it was ‘bad’ to feel down?
Let go of that damn happiness “goal”.
The happiness that comes from achieving a goal or a dream is short-lived. If you’re like me, 20 seconds later you’re wondering what’s next. Goals will come and go and keep getting achieved.
Enjoy the anticipation instead!
The thing with anticipation (aka the journey) is that it’s almost always more fun than the actual event (aka the goal) you’ve been waiting for to happen.
It’s been said before and I’ll say it again – really, really, enjoy the ride. Cos when it’s over, that’s what you’ll remember.
Don’t make the memory about getting off the roller coaster and being sick, make it be about the stars you saw on top of the ride, the people who looked like ants below, and the gobs of fun you had squealing and laughing.
The moments each day is made up of, the tears and smiles, the ups and downs.
And one more thing – Forgive yourself. Love yourself. That is all.
__________________________________________________________________
So .. watchu thinking? What’s your take on Happiness as a Goal vs a Value? What do you believe is your natural state of being? Do you agree or disagree with this post? I’m inviting your comments and would love to know what you’ve got to say! Cheers!
From Victim to Victor – A Personal Note
Or, Don’t Rain on my Parade.
I’ve been back in Queenstown, this town I called home for 4 years, for an entire day and still can’t believe I’m here.
It feels like a surreal dream, one that I haven’t quite woken into.
Walking down the town centre and running into people I know, going to the grocery store and running into more..
Jetlagged and tired, in a familiar yet different surrounding. To find a Queenstown Summer turned into a Vancouver Winter (sorta, but I’m exaggerating a little bit – it’s raining but it’s not that cold).
This is a town that saw some of my worst times.
I won’t go into details but suffice to say it rubbed me raw in many ways and led to a lot of growth, learning and healing after being broken into a thousand pieces. When I left nearly 2 years ago, it was painful and hard.
So of course, I was a little nervous about being back here, even though the excitement was pretty rampant.
It almost feels like a pilgrimage of sorts, visiting my past, the memories of a Tia who doesn’t exist anymore except in the deep, dark corners of the not-so-distant-past.
I feel strangely vulnerable and exposed.
Which is why when something happened today that made me feel a little “helpless”, I realised how easy it used to be for me to slip into the ‘poor me, I have no choice’ victim role.
And how although much has changed since then, this is still a familiar emotion and feeling, one that my body recognises uncomfortably well.
Long story short, due to extreme tiredness, jetlag (still!) and unclear thinking, a little miscommunication resulted in me being ’stranded’ for 1.5 hours in the rain, waiting for a friend with whom I was to ride home, while she waited for me at the actual place we were to meet.
In that time, I lived a lifetime of feeling paralysed, stuck and unable to act.
I didn’t have the external tools I needed (cell fone to call my friend, car to drive home myself etc) but luckily, I DID have some internal tools.
Byron Katie’s work (which I’ve been leaning into a lot of late), closing my eyes and breathing into the knot in my stomach and the dizziness in my head, allowing myself to feel frustrated, and consciously choosing how I wanted to feel instead.
Each time the “I can’t believe this is happening to me” thoughts arose, I’d stop and ask myself “how is this making me feel and do I still want to feel this way”?
Sometimes the answer was yes, so I let myself wallow in feeling sorry for myself till the answer changed.
I wish I could say I did all that and it was fine.
Instead, I had to consciously keep changing my state at least 7-8 times in 1.5 hours before I managed to make it stick it out in the state of calm and “holy mother of God, what a lesson I just learned”.
The lesson being, if you’re gonna step into the past, make sure you take the present with you.
We all have an Achilles heel, a behaviour / thought / person/ circumstance that trips us up.
You know – they’re the ones that make you go “wow, I thought I was past that by now” or “I’ve been through this a 100 times, I really should know better” or “when will I ever learn” or something equivalent.
Where in your life do you find yourself stepping into the past and forgetting how far you’ve come in an instant?
If I were to share my thoughts on this (and I will), I’d say
- Find yours, acknowledge them, really know them
- Be aware of what triggers them
- Have tools and strategies to manage the situations and feelings they thrive on
- Don’t let them fool you into thinking you haven’t accomplished anything, this is just a reminder to show you that you have
So the next time those old triggers pop up, you can do your thing, smile to yourself and say “I’ve come a long way, baby”.
____________________________________________________________
As you chart new plans and desires for the coming year, I invite you to look back at the progress you’ve made thus far. What are you really proud of? Where do you still need to be more conscious in your actions? Where in your life have you gone from being a Victim to a Victor? Celebrate that!
Sign up for the Inspired Action! ezine and bonus Top Tips for Happiness report
Get Updates on Blog Posts
OR VIA EMAIL:Follow Blog on Facebook
- The Epiphany - Or Why I Don`t Have What I Want (27)
- 7 Fun Ways to Manage your Vibe! (26)
- When WILL You Learn!? (26)
- What An Onion Has To Do With Listening To Your Body.. (25)
- Pursuing Happiness Is A Trap & YOU'RE in it. (25)
- Guest Post: How Pennies Changed My Life (24)
- Revolutionary Idea That Will Blow Your Mind! (24)
- Summer Solstice Intentions - Bring on Clarity and Intent, Baby! (23)
- How To Manifest Almost Anything You Want (22)
- "Doing What Feels Good"- A Cop Out? (22)
- Lacking Ambition & Drive - How To Light That Fire? (22)
Download Free Personal & Professional Life Assessment Forms
