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What Do You Make More Important Than… That Diamond Within?
“I wish I could be like you”, she said. “To just up and travel the world, have adventures and be free… but I can’t, I’ve got a career, husband, children, mortgage, standard of living I’m used to and I can’t give that up!”
“Keep writing about your adventures, I’m living vicariously through you”, said another friend.
“Oh if only I had more time … there aren’t enough hours in the day to do what I want. I’m so tired”, says a third.
Sample sentences I’ve heard over the years. The question isn’t if you have the time, money, energy or desire. It’s about what you make more important than that.
And whatever that is, is perfectly okay as long as you know that’s what you’re doing consciously.
What do you make more important than your time?
What do you make more important than your happiness?
What do you make more important than your dreams?
What do you make more important than LOVE for your fellow human bee-ing?
As coaches we are taught to ask ourselves “what am I making more important than serving my client” or “what am I allowing to stop me from acting with courage and calling someone forth”?
And the answers vary from looking good, to wanting to be liked, being seen as an expert, not wanting to make mistakes, not wanting to offend someone, keeping the status quo, being comfortable and so on.
And we learn that to step out of that comfort zone of fear (yep, it’s almost always some sort of fear), is a huge gift – for ourselves and for our clients.
It’s the SAME for you, no matter what work you do or what your life looks like.
How often are you willing to risk your relationship with people to get to a more truthful and intimate place? From openness and sharing comes a connection and level of understanding deeper than you may ever have experienced.
When you truly share yourself in vulnerable truth, you allow others to be more of who they are.
I’ve been thinking about these concepts a lot since I assisted my 2nd coaching course this weekend. There’s something truly magical about a room full of people who feel safe enough to drop their masks and really reach out to each other at a core, human level. To be seen as who they really, truly are – messy and beautiful all at once.
Oh my, can you imagine that!?
A world where we all operate from a space of love and authenticity instead of fear? Encouraging and supporting each other rather than protecting ourselves from each other?
We’ve all got that to some degree, I’m asking you to magnify it 10000 times and stretch it beyond your loved ones.
And to trust that whoever shows up will be loved and heard intimately, without judgement.
To be heard is one of our biggest “needs” in life. Just think for a moment – when you are in a conversation with someone, how much of it is you listening to them and how much is you forming a response to them before they’ve even stopped talking? Man I know I’m guilty of that.
Your presence (and that includes listening), is one of the most precious gifts you can give to anyone.
Today, what would happen if you reached out to someone close to you and really SAW them, HEARD them and EXPERIENCED them from a space of curiosity and openness?
No barriers, no judgement, just the core of them. What would happen?
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Go on, I invite you to be a part of this little experiment. Try it for a day, an hour. How did it impact your relationship with your mother, father , husband, wife, child, friend, boss, employee, banker, bus driver, tooth fairy, dog, cat, minister? I’d love to hear your experience, thanks in advance for sharing!
Where Do You Draw The Line between Ego and Self?
Authenticity. Authenticity.
Also known as showing up fully.
This past month I’ve been living from ego rather than service. I let my authentic self be tarnished by feelings of competitiveness, living at 50% of myself, ignoring my values and not being fully present, real or honest with myself and others about my feelings and thoughts.
Nothing “bad” mind you – just restrictions everywhere I looked around. Life in this state is far from pure, joyous and happy. It can still be good but good isn’t enough for me anymore.
Who else feels they are sick of not expressing themselves fully?
Who else wants to shed their scales & emerge as they are?
Who else would like to live courageously & with integrity?
I for one am DONE with living an unauthentic life. With holding myself back for fear that I’ll be alone if no one wants to walk this path with me. With conforming and trying to look good (although those of you who know me may be giggling at the thought of me being a conformist hehe).
Since the last 2 days a lot has been stirring up for me (I learnt from Lynn Koiner and Sophie Lhoste that I’m not alone in this – apparently this summer solstice is a powerful time for changes and divine happenings – woohoo!) and I’m taking gulpy, brave steps to bring myself back from the edge of an ego-driven life, back to service, back to self.
Take the coaching competition I was entered in for instance. It all started as fun and games, asking people to vote for me, getting the word out about my blog, loving the traffic to my website, the supportive comments (esp the one from my mom – that rocked, thanks mum!) ·
Somewhere along the way though, I realised some uncoachlike behaviour was going on and allowed myself to be upset by the tricks other people were using to get to # 1. Everytime I saw people being voted down I would vote them up. And I’d wonder what I was doing in such a contest. Can you guess what happened next? Yep!
I wanted to play them at their own game. Survival of the best-est. And I didn’t like this feeling. That’s not me.
So yeah, it got to the point where I had to stop and question myself …. Why do I need someone to tell me my blog is the best? Would winning this contest make more people like me or make me special in some way? WHO gets to decide I’m the best (or not)? I’ve never liked competitions and in my LOA world, co-operation is a better feel-good place to be in over competition.
To compete fairly and test skills against another is beautiful, like athletes in their finest form. Because it brings the best out in others, rather than the worst. To bring others down while you go up? Not sooooooo much!
It started to not feel good anymore. And you who read this blog know this about me – I always follow my feel-good! If it’s not fun, I’m not doing it. I slacked in following my intuition. Ohh Bugggerr…
It’s scary and empowering to go out on a limb and saying what you need to, without fear of consequences. It’s easy for monkeys but to be a human hanging on the top of a branch, swinging wildly and suddenly letting go….!? Bump, rumble and roll. Ouch. That hurt. Pain sucks. Yet, letting go can teach you to look for where the growth and learning is.
To be authentic, I first had to acknowledge what I’ve not been wanting to, face my frailties and imperfections, embrace them, forgive them, love them and finally, share them with others.
So my friends, In all my ego driven glory, here I stand unveiled. And as I ask myself these questions, I ask you too:
Who do you think you are to live half a life?
One that’s not passionate, fulfilling, authentic and happy?
Where do you get off blaming other people?
What are you not taking responsibility for?
What is the learning from this?
What do you really, really want?
The glory or the peace? True happiness or ego-driven accolades?
Feel free to ask me “who are you to get me to stand up and take charge of my own life”!? I am no-one. And I am everyone. You get to choose if you want to or not.
With this in mind, I decided that what felt good and authentic was to remove myself from this contest. My intuition says this is the right thing to do and this is the month I start trusting it. The little voice in my head saying “but you could win this and be more popular” can just go take a hike. Be sure to take a camel along, it’s a long trip where you’re going!
THANK YOU to all of you who voted me to # 1 – I’ve saved all your comments 
I am still glad I entered this contest for I know even more now that my worth does not depend on what someone says or thinks about me.
It depends on what I believe to be true. It’s reminded me AGAIN that real happiness and peace come from being true to oneself, and true to others. It showed me how many amazing friends and loyal readers I have. It re-inforced the power of synergy (where my friends and I voted for each other as opposed to taking each other down).
It helped me be kind and loving to myself and accept my imperfections. And my desire for you is to do the same for yourself.
I want you to live your best life ever. I want you to unleash your awesomeness on the world, warts and all.
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You can start by sharing your thoughts and feelings about how you want to show up MORE in your life in the comments section. I am here to listen, encourage and love you AS YOU ARE. You rock my friend
Expectations – Mother of All Muck-ups or Vital Ingredient of Life?
A late night tweet from me saying “Happiness is yours when you learn to manage your expectations from/of others and make it a preference instead of a need” brought on a flurry of retweets and replies from people.
As it turns out, I’m not alone when it comes to expecting things and being disappointed when I don’t get what I want. Astonishing, isn’t it 
?
Anyone who’s ever felt the same way, wiggle your pinkie finger now!
Hm, why do I KNOW you’d just as easily as me lay a wager on our expectations being the root cause of most unhappiness? Feel free to say it isn’t so if I’m being presumptuous.
In my experience, there are various types of expectations – from expecting love, respect, dignity, and justice, to expecting people to do certain things for you whether they like it or not, treat you like a prince/princess, spend more time with you than their friends, come home on time, buy you gifts, etc.
But here’s the thing. I’m not saying any of these are good or bad.
They just are what they are and will affect your mojo as much as you let them.
It’s when some expectations start affecting the quality of your daily life experiences and relationships and lead to disappointment, anger, insecurity, fear, grief, frustration, doubt and worry, that you might want to step back and ask yourself a few questions. If you don’t want to spend a lot of time in the cesspool of blame and disappointment, that is.
Questions that might go somewhat like:
- Am I expecting too much from others?
- WHY do I need that (from them)?
- What am I asking others for that I’m not giving to myself?
- What do I really want that’s behind these wants? I.e, do I want to be heard, loved, seen, respected, nurtured, validated?
- Recognise the desire beneath the want. Then decide if it’s a non-negotiable or a whim.
What next? How can you go about learning to *manage* your expectations (and should you even do that?).
Call it acknowledging, changing, reframing, or anything you like but know that you create your reality and can choose to expect with attachment or detachment – that will be a big factor in how you ultimately experience it.
And while we’re at it,
Realise that no matter who you are, NO one owes you anything.
Yes, it’s bloody fantastic when people meet our expectations, just be aware that it won’t happen all the time and neither is that healthy. If you always got what you wanted, then what about others’ wants that might clash with yours? And where would your learning come from?
Make it a preference instead of a need.
Preference = unattached to outcome. Need = attached to outcome.
When there is a preference you would like something to be a certain way but regardless, your happiness doesn’t depend on it.
When you *need* something, you’re creating and focusing on the lack around you and letting it control your happy button.
Us humans will always have wants, needs, desires and expectations, some of which will come to fruition and some that won’t. If the ultimate goal is happiness, then consider this as one more tool to help you along the way.
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What role do expectations play in YOUR life? Was there a time you successfully changed an expectation that was keeping you stuck and what was the result? Looking forward to hearing your insights and experiences!
Detox Your Body, Thoughts and Life
“I’ve never dieted in my life, I don’t believe in detoxes!”
This was me up until 4 days ago. A whole new world has opened up since. New foods that
I’d never heard of (yummm almond butter! Great substitute for my Nutella addiction , salads I’d never made, an eating plan I’d never followed.
You mean people actually eat 3-6 meals a day? I was the brekkie at noon kinda girl (and I still may well be after the detox, but in a healthier, more aware of what I’m eating kinda way).
You know that moment in time when you realise something you’ve always known and heard about and believed at some level but it never really sank in until then? The one that makes you smack your forehead and go “I get it”?!
Yep. Yeah, that’s the one I had this morning as I bounced out of bed with an energy I haven’t felt in yonks i.e., a very long time. My 4th day of ridding my body of toxins. It’s a “wow, this feels so great I can’t believe I waited so many years to start being healthy” mindset.
Have you noticed how your mind and inner being feel so much lighter when you’re healthier? What you put into your body and mind is what you get out of it. Squeeze the proverbial orange and you won’t get apple juice … y’know how that story goes.
But luckily, there isn’t just one way to do it. You can start with detoxing your thoughts and beliefs and let the ripple effects cascade into your life. Consciously choosing better feeling thoughts will give you more positivity, focus and gusto and this in turn will lead to you feeling more energetic.
Change what goes into your body to change what goes into your mind or vice-versa. Either ways, you win!
Fact is, most of what you eat, do, say, think, feel is a result of habitual patterns. You are living an unconscious life when you don’t take a minute to stop and ask what and why you’re eating, doing, saying, thinking and feeling what you are. How many unhealthy habits do you persist with because you have gotten too lazy, too careless, too comfortable with them?
I know, let’s start with thoughts! Do you know how many thoughts you have in a day? Anywhere from 20,000 – 60,000 apparently. And about 80% of that self-talk is “negative” (source: some scientific research I lost the link to).
Sound like an exaggeration? Consider this: within the span of a few seconds your mental chattering monkey jumps from “Wish I had my coffee” to “I’m sick of this traffic” to “I should have done/said/ xyz” to “Why can’t I just stop thinking so much” to “I hope we’re not having soup for dinner again”. Exhausting, isn’t it?
Truth be told, much of what you believe and think every day comes from societal and parental conditioning. But wait, there’s hope! Just like you can learn to think about the food you eat and what it does for your body, you can also start learning how to think in positive, inspiring ways. That’s right, this is how you can change your self-limiting beliefs to those that serve you.
Here’s the deal. Detoxing the way you think can be hard at first. Just like when you train your body to get rid of toxins and cravings, and don’t build muscles overnight in a gym, it’s the same with your thoughts. Of course it takes a bit of effort and commitment to see results.
Want some tips to help you start rewriting your ‘story’ & detoxify your thoughts?
1) Practice Awareness daily - keep a little journal or notebook close at hand and as you think a thought, write it down. At the end of the day you’ll have a fair idea of just how much of your thinking is toxic and unproductive.
2) Start examining these thoughts – are they pointing to a deep rooted belief? What is that belief? Is it true? Or are you just used to thinking a certain way?
3) Open Your Mind - to new ways of thinking. Look at things and situations from more than one perspective. You don’t have to agree with another point of view but you’ll be training yourself to be curious and open to changing your beliefs.
I’m curious – does detoxing your body and then your mind work better for you or do you find you have to change the way you think to get healthier 1st? I’d love to know what works for YOU!
Are You Trying Too Hard?
To get it right?
To be perfect?
To win?
To do what you think you should do, so that things work out they way you think they should?
I have been. All month!
This was the month I was going to write my fabulous articles about money and our beliefs around them. When I was going to inspire many people to look into their beliefs, challenge them and help them change their money relationship. When I was going to power through and blow all obstacles out of the water!
I tried. I wrote a few drafts, I thought about the best way to write it etc.
And guess what? Nothing! No inspiration, no words flowing, nada.
Flavour of the month.. didn’t do what I said I would, my ezine was 2 days late, I didn’t go to the gym for 3 weeks, I’m feeling guilty about wasting money, not eating right etc. Pile it ON!
By resisting these feelings I was only making it worse. It took reading a blog post by my adopted (by me) mentor and most amazing friend Ms Maw to wake me up to what I’ve been doing.
Fighting the natural order of things, the way I am and trying to change too much too fast and expecting it to be perfect.
Now one might say there’s nothing wrong about expecting change to be perfect and one might agree but one might also have to be aligned with that feeling Hello, I forgot that caterpillars have to wriggle their way of of their cocoon to turn into butterflies .. it can get a little uncomfortable at times I’m guessing.
When we feel resistance to not doing our best, that makes some of us not do our best .. actually it makes some of us not do anything at all! Until we feel guilty and do something totally uninspired.
For me, this month has been uninspiring in terms of writing blog posts – so I re-purposed 2 articles/ezine issues into posts. They turned out to be the ones with the least comments or engagement so far. The Universe sensed the energy it was done with, much?
- So from not ever working out to going to the gym 4-5 times a week for a month = too much of a change for me to handle, hence 0 visits the 2nd month.
- From writing hardly any blog posts to promising to write a great one that would change your life = setting myself up for failure.
- From never joining contests to even caring about them to joining a Best Coaching Blogs contest and wanting to win = I’m not good enough if I don’t. Being first means I’m the BEST, darn it! And BEST = Perfect!
I still want to win but it’s not *that* important anymore. Phew! Guess I’m not always going to be the best … get it right or be perfect or win or only do what feels good ay . Now how did I forget that? Ahh that’s right, cos I Was TRYING TOO HARD! You know what I’m talking about, don’t you.
Giving Up Resistance ~
So I’m relinquishing the fight as well. I give up expecting myself to know it all, have it all and look like I do. I give up the urge to tell myself I have too much to do and instead appreciate how much I’ve done!
And I know that when I write the Money and Beliefs post it will happen when the timing is perfect and will probably help more people when I do write it than if I did it last week. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
I let go of my resistance to go the gym and stop sponsoring them thanks to my lack of usage. They’re nice people, they deserve my money! So, Gym people, you’re welcome to my $70 for May and I hope you spend it on lattes and ice-creams in this gorgeous weather.
I love how Inspired Action shows up when I’m least expecting it! From not being able to write for 2 weeks to banging out this post within minutes. That’s my feel good and that’s how I’ll always do it. Yeah!
This already feels lighter. I’m off to eat some Horlicks out of the jar (wld’ve been Nutella but I ran out). This giving up resistance thing feels good.
What do YOU do when you find yourself trying too hard?
ps: to vote for me go to the “Best Coaching Blogs” icon top right corner. Thanks for the vote!
Your 3 Most Pressing Questions About Inspired Action answered
Filed under: Conscious Creation, Inspired Action, Law of Attraction, life coaching
What Does Inspired Action Look Like?
Someone asked this question recently: “What exactly IS Inspired Action and how do I know the action I’m taking is inspired or not? I often hesitate to take action that doesn’t seem to be inspired action to me. So how does it feel to you?”
The short answer is: If it feels good, it’s probably inspired action.
Sometimes inspired action feels like a force you can’t ignore, that literally moves you to a certain action even if it doesn’t make sense to you.
So when you find yourself suddenly taking a different route to work, or stopping by the grocery store even when you don’t need anything, it’s likely an intuitive sense that’s guiding you to take that action.
Sometimes it feels like a little voice in your head that says “bake a cake” or “call a friend”. It does not have to hit you like a hammer, it can often be very subtle, like a butterfly’s whisper on your cheek. A feeling in your body. Heightened senses.
So don’t worry if it doesn’t feel like it “should” because it can be different every time. Find out what speaks to you. Tune into your intuition. And take it from there.
If you’re still struggling with how it should feel, you’re probably trying too hard.
When Do I Take Inspired Action? Now you might ask “if nothing feels good in that moment, do I just sit there and twiddle my thumbs while I wait for inspiration?”
You know what? Sometimes taking small action – like getting up and going for a walk can actually change the vibration you’re in and lead to Inspired Action.
Ask “what would feel better than this” and you WILL find something that feels a little better. Keep doing what feels a little better each time and soon you’ll be doing what feels good.
Do anything that changes your current physical and mental space. UNLESS of course feeling good at that moment means doing nothing but lying down or napping etc. That works well too!
You do know that if you’re doing something that doesn’t make you feel good because you think you should, or because that’s what other people do, you’ll just block yourself from source energy right?
What feels good to others may not feel good to you and vice-versa. Just be careful about making excuses for not doing something!
How Does It Feel? Does Inspired Action always feel good or can it feel nervous and anxious?
From my experience, it almost always feels good. Good can mean calm or exciting, a solid knowing or a gut feel, there are no rules here except for it just feels right somehow. The anxiety could be partly fear .. which can be a natural part of starting something new, all those feelings of will it work, how will I do this etc.
As long as it’s not stopping you from taking action, don’t give those feelings any energy. Unless you sense it’s your intuition speaking strongly to you, in which case, follow that feeling.
Oh and sometimes, Inspired Action looks like taking NO action at all
Does this bring up any questions for you? How do you know when YOU are taking inspired action? I’d love to hear your thoughts below.
6 Steps to Release Attachment and Manifest Your Desires Faster
Filed under: Conscious Creation, Inspired Action, Intention, Law of Attraction, life coaching
On the topic of LOA … you already know how important it is to let go of any sort of neediness, 
desperation or attachment to manifesting your desires once you’ve set an Intention to attract them. Right?
But sometimes as you ALSO probably well know, it’s hard! When you really want that vacation, a raise, a new relationship, new clients, more time, a successful business, how do you let go of the attachment to the outcome?
1) Turn it over to the Universe
Write a list and get the Universe on the job. Throw a tantrum if you have to like I did last week! I told off the Universe for not doing the job, wrote a list of what I wanted, stuck it on the wall and said “All yours Universe, time for you to Step Up to the Plate thanks!”
2) Check your receiving radar
The Universe often delivers pretty soon after a demand like that! If you find yourself still sabotaging what you want, or if you get part of it but not all, sit down as ask yourself “am I really ready to receive”? There could be a block within that you may need to acknowledge and it’s now up to YOU to make sure you’re really ready to receive.
3) Change focus
After asking for something and giving it the energy etc, go do something else to take your mind of it. The more you start thinking about it, anxiety starts to creep in. So once the desire has been set, just stop thinking about it too much and wondering when it will happen.
4) Have Faith and Trust
Use words of trust and faith, belief and knowing that what you want is now yours in most magical ways. By refusing to wonder how, when, where etc, you’re trusting that the timing is always perfect and although you can’t see the bigger picture, you KNOW you’ll get what you want when the time is right.
5) Are you in Alignment?
Check to see how you’re still feeling about your desire. If fear has crept in, it’s a reminder to manage your vibe and get re-aligned with what you want. This is a daily practice! Music, visualisation, scripting, day dreaming all work for me, find something that works for you.
6) This or something better
Repeat after me: “This or something better is now manifesting in my life for the highest good of all concerned.” When you say this, instant peace. Cos that’s exactly what will happen.
Maybe something is on it’s way that’s even better and beyond what you could have dreamed up for yourself. Have patience, trust the process and do your part by keeping yourself in alignment with your desires.
Try these practices when you feel that familiar attachment creep up on you to help bring you back to what’s really important – being happy in the here and now.
What are some ways that work for you to release attachment?
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