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A Matter of Survival or Creating Dependency?
Filed under: Conscious Creation, Intention, Life, Passion, courage, love
Tony Robbins shared a quote on his facebook page today:
“You don’t marry someone you can live with – you marry the person who you cannot live without.” Anonymous.
And then he added “I’m grateful I found my Wife Sage!”
As a person who believes in the power of words and consciously creating reality, I was taken aback. A bit stunned, actually.
Yes, I fully get the being grateful part.
But this part here, this one where it says “marry the person you cannot live without”?
WOW. Really?
There are about 50 “likes” and a bunch of comments, almost all of them saying “this is so true”!
Seriously!? Did anyone actually stop and think about the words for a second?
(btw, this quote is anonymous and the post is NOT about Tony Robbins, it’s about looking closely at the language we use)
So I posted:
Eh .. not true. I LOVE the sentiment behind it but the fact is, you CAN live without that person – you just choose not to live without them. Which is what makes it so beautiful
Then someone said:
When you love someone so much that a single moment without them in your life is not an option then i guess it is not a matter of choice.…..it is about your survival as they are the air that you breathe (edited out)……you feel complete in the circle of life gifted by the Higher Being!
So I said:
Saying that you can’t survive without someone’s love… that’s the only part of what you said that I question. Cos there is always a choice. So I see this as a choice, to think and believe what we do individually. The rest? Simply beautiful, magical, amazing – you are blessed indeed to have such love!
And they said:
Out of experience , i can state that the whole world seems to halt without that one person, may be true love tends to have such an impact!!!!! (edited out) …i know what Tony means and the way he feels about Sage !
Which is when I decided to not say anything anymore.
Cos clearly this could go forever. I’m not negating the depth of anyone’s feelings, heck I’ve BEEN there, felt like that, esp in my teens and 20’s. Ok, even as recently as a couple of years ago.
And while it may seem that the world will come to a stop without this person, I can genuinely, with all the mended pieces of my broken and healed heart, say, not true.
Not true, not true, not true!
I am living proof! As are you, I’m sure. And all of us.
To say your survival depends on the presence of someone in your life, sounds less like love and more like need to me. We each CHOOSE what we believe.
Love by its very nature, nourishes, cherishes, gives life. You can ‘have’ love even without that special partner to spend the rest of your life with AND you can have it with them.
NB: (Unless you’re a baby – then you are 100% co-dependent and will not survive without a food provider – but you WILL survive without love. Maybe miserably and unhappily, but you will).
Till the day comes when you realise you ARE love.
Then, you’ll go beyond surviving, to thriving. Cliches notwithstanding.
Having experienced extremely co-dependent relationships where I really, truly felt like I couldn’t live without someone, I am now very conscious of the words I use.
Maybe that’s why I was goaded into writing this post (along with the fact it was Tony who passed it on.. being a master of words & NeuroLinguistic Programming, wonder if he thought about it at all?)
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What do YOU think? Am I over analyzing or would you have felt the same way? Why would someone choose to believe they don’t have a choice? I’ve got an idea but would love to hear YOUR insights, thanks for sharing!
ps: parts of the other person’s comments have been edited out for privacy reasons..
Revolutionary Idea That Will Blow Your Mind!
Source: http://free-foto-animation-digital-images.blogspot.com
Ok, not true.
It’s the simplest idea and it’s quite an unsparkly one.
But what you do with it, has potential to blow your mind.
It all started when I realised with a shock that I’ve pretty much lost the ability to do one thing at a time.
At any time (including when I’m asleep, I bet).
Case in point, as of now I have:
- 10 browser windows open at once, 8 of them stuff I want to read and take action on, 2 are FB and twitter
- An audio recording playing in the background
- Thoughts swirling what to do next
- Flipped to twitter and facebook twice
- Been writing this for a minute
I also just noticed that each time I get distracted my foot starts shaking, my toes wiggle, my stomach clenches and I feel a little agitated.
(Oooops, I mean, distract myself – nothing outside of ME is doing this to me, right?)
This is not good.
For productivity or health, happiness or peace of mind. I mean, random body parts going into convulsions in tandem? Not good, unless it’s on the receiving end of the Black Eyed Peas!
You know how Jan’s theme for me was Love?
This included taking time off from writing on the blog to focus on processing the progress in my life, ie, doing what I was inspired to do in the face of fears like “I’ll lose my readers if I don’t keep writing” and “Isn’t that irresponsible” etc.
Psst: I originally wrote “changes” in my life and changed it to “progress” instead cos of a new way of thinking which I am excited to blog about soon – it’s on my list of topics!
Well, Feb was a tossup between Yoga 3 X a week or 10 minutes of intentional meditation or silence in the morning before I turn the computer on. Notice how specific I am with my actions? This is good.
As of this second, I’ve decided to go with something infinitely more challenging.
For all of Feb (thank goodness it’s only 28 days instead of 31!) I am going to do one thing at a time.
Yes we’ve all said that many times before but how often do you follow it? Over the past 2 years I have listened to 100’s or interviews, talk shows and seminars.
Each one of them starts with “stop doing everything you’re doing right now, I know you know it’s important but REALLY, stop everything else, eliminate all distractions and let’s get started”.
And I go “yeah yeah I know” and promptly get up to get some water or food, check my phone, look to see who’s online, make a to-do list etc.
One thing at a time means – ONE browser window open at a time. If I want to tweet, I have to close Facebook. If I want to watch a TEDtalk, I have to close the FB window. And if I want to write a blog post, you get the drift.
Now, I’m imagining all sorts of benefits that could come from this:
- Focusing on what’s important
- Less time wastage
- More productivity
- Focus
- Health (losing the foot convulsions – this is good)
- De-addiction to inconsistency and scatteredness
- Heaps more t… sorry, had to go check the other windows!
Yes, I am really going to do this starting in about 12 hours.
You know what would be SO cool? If YOU took up this challenge with me and did it for a day. Just so I won’t suffer from the withdrawal symptoms alone..
Btw, this isn’t restricted to the Internet, it has to do with everything you do from cooking to cleaning to talking on the phone to working. Uh.. I think they call it “mindfulness” or “being present”.
I call it - one thing at a time.
You will? YES! So glad you’re on board. Ok, here’s what we do now.
- Feb 1st, or for the next 24 hours if you’re reading this mid day, commit to doing ONE thing at any given time (not incl music or your thoughts har har – we have about 20,000 of them a day!).
- Then, come back a day later and write about your experience.
Whether you managed it for 10 minutes, all day or none at all. Some awareness will come up for you, for sure.
You’ll know where and how you disconnect with what’s going on and maybe even learn to predict the times or circumstances that bring up ineffective multi-doing.
Or you may find that sometimes, multi-tasking actually helped and worked better than doing one thing – I don’t know what you’ll find but I sure would love you to share that with us. I’ll comment on Feb 2 to talk about mine.
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In the meantime, I have some question for you:
- What makes you try to do it all at once? Society? Pressure? The Jones?
- Why do you get distracted so easily when you KNOW you could do it faster and better one at a time?
- Do we really think that by dividing our attention, we can rule or is it an uncomfortable comfort zone?
Man, I can’t wait to hear from you! Thanks for playing!
Old Stories vs New Stories: How to Bridge the Gap?
Filed under: Conscious Creation, Inspired Action, Intention, Law of Attraction, Visualisation, love
Speaking of telling new stories in the new year, you know well that to let in a new story, you’ve got to stop holding onto the old one, right?
Let’s get clear about this:
To tell a new story, let go of the old one.
But sometimes it’s easier said than done.
You wonder if the old story really is old or just needs a fresh look at it. Maybe you’re not sure if you need a new story or just patience while the old one unfolds into the new one.
Of course, most times, you’re just ready for a new one!
Here’s the deal, kids.
You get what you really really want deep inside, not what you think or say you want.
If you say you want love, and keep holding onto an old lover in your mind, if you say you want to be healthy and then eat unhealthy food and feel guilty about it, you’re letting the Universe know you’re not serious!
Sending out mixed, unclear signals is a waste of your time.
So what do you do?
Why, you ask with your actions, not merely your words!
When you’re really clear about what you want, you’ll start to notice what behaviours and actions are incongruent with your wants. Then you can start changing them or adopting new ones.
You know the drill by now..
- Decide what you want
- Get clear on it
- State it in the present tense
- ACT like you want it
- Ask for it
- Use manifesting techniques like affirming, afforming, playing make believe, scripting etc
- Get into the energy and FEELING space of having what you want
- Make space in your life for it
- Be conscious of your actions making sure that they reflect your “new” reality.
- Have patience!
Here’s a question (or two) I have for you:
Do you think it’s necessary to let go of old stories before you can REALLY embrace new ones?
Or do you find that it’s easier (or more effective) to state new stories instead of trying to let go of the old first?
Another alternative to changing stories I haven’t thought of?
Curious as to what works best for you. Thanks for sharing your perspectives!
ps: Have you picked a theme for January yet? Mine is Love and I am having SUCH a great time playing with it!
I find myself feeling SO vibrant and alive, which is what being in love with myself, someone else or the world REALLY makes me feel.
Wow, what a GREAT way to start the year!
Attracting a mate – Give It Up or Wait It Out?
This is a topic that has been talked about in earlier posts (not necessarily related to relationships though) and was brought to my attention again recently.
You see, it’s that time of the year that I’ve been getting quite a few readers asking me about the best way to manifest a relationship (just something about the end of the year that makes us all evaluate our dreams and desires, maybe?).
I’ve heard stories of friends who decided what they wanted, made a list and focused on it till they met the love of their life.
Like my friend who intended to manifest her dream man, met him within 3 weeks, was engaged within 4 months, married within 9 months and is happy as can be.
On the other hand, I hear plenty of stories of people who gave up looking for their soul-mate and just as soon as they took their focus off meeting The One, bam! They literally ran into them around the corner.
I’ve experienced both. I once threw a Universal tantrum, demanded and happily manifested a partner within days. AND I have done it the other way too – intended to be in a relationship, journaled about it and then let it go, meeting someone special just weeks later!
These methods were quite different energetically, and yet, they both worked.
In the first instance, I got mad and stated my desire in no uncertain terms, giving off a ‘this is what I want and I bloody well get it asap’ vibe.
In the other, I was happy and peaceful and just trusted that I would get what I wanted without spending much time thinking about it.
(The common factors in both instances were clarity and determination)
So here’s my question to you:
Do you stay focused on your desire till it manifests, or have you found more success by intending it and letting your focus go elsewhere?
What has your experience been?
Please share your real life (or hearsay) stories and experiences so that others with the same question can benefit from your response.
Gosh, am I ever looking forward to reading about how you met and attracted your partner – as are the readers who emailed me. Thanks in advance for sharing!
ps: Even if you didn’t “manifest” your partner consciously, I’d love to know how you met. It’s the season for love and thanks so share the love with the rest of us here 
Pursuing Happiness Is A Trap & YOU’RE in it.
Filed under: Intention, Life, Passion, Spirituality, happiness
Ever feel like you did something really stupid?
Irrational.
Something that made no sense at all.
Ever then kicked yourself when you did it again?
And again. And again?
You’re so aware, you really should’ve known better..
Ever made an assumption that turned out to be totally wrong?
What about the “good” assumptions – like assuming birthdays should be extra special days just cos you were born on that day. Like the best time to set new intentions is when it’s a new moon.
Like someone you love should love the same things you do.
How do these serve you?
When you assume something, it’s most likely based in fear. Fear that keeps you from truly being happy as long as you associate those thoughts with past actions and experiences.
I was thinking about assumptions and anticipation today as I wandered into my favourite little crystal / mystic shop near Queenstown.
About how I anticipated this trip and how I assumed it would make me feel. Getting here to find that it’s neither how I dreamed, nor how I expected.
(You’ve been with me as I planned this trip, excitedly booked flights, got my visa, and packed excitedly)
So where did that state of sheer happiness go?
Don’t get me wrong – it’s all going well and I AM happy, it’s just that I might have mistaken high energy and anticipation for happiness.
Thinking that cos it wasn’t as warm (weather wise) or as much of a homecoming I thought it would be, I would have to do something to be ‘happier’.
You see, in my mind, it was ’supposed’ to be a certain way.
As I browsed the shop still musing, I was drawn to a book.
Hello, the Happiness Trap. Resonance! What I read struck me: Did you know you’re shooting yourself in the foot when you make ‘looking for happiness’ your main goal in life?
Living a values based life is what will bring you true happiness, as opposed to living a goals based life – quoted non verbatim.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about dreams and goals and the pursuit of happiness is definitely one of human-kind’s biggies.
It’s when we assume that anything less than a happy vibe will take us away from this ultimate goal, that we pay a huge price – fear, anxiety and stress.
To live an illusion of happiness, most people shy away from negative feelings and do whatever they can to make them ‘go away’. These people are sometimes you and me.
(Even though for the most part, we DO know better, yay us!)
You’re smart enough to allow emotions and feelings to be fully experienced, knowing that what you resist persists.
You know all you want is to feel good again and being LOA and personal development savvy, you’ll stay with it so you can get past it. The way out of it is often through it.
It happened to me when I talked about being dragged into the emotions and drama of being a victim in the past, when I was hard on myself for being in that place again, till I realised just how far I had actually come.
But this book really got me seeing things differently again.
It made me see that anxiety is normal. Contrary to belief, happiness is not yet our normal state of being and is influenced by the fears of others around us as we’re growing up.
(I believe we ARE headed that way one little step at a time, just not fully there yet).
Happiness is not the same as feeling good.
It’s a feeling of being alive, full of life force energy. And by its very nature, life force energy covers all human emotions and ranges.
Just like the tide ebbs and flows, nature reinvents itself, trees and plants grow and die, life begins and ends, there is always a polar opposite of every emotion and feeling known to us.
This brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘acceptance’.
Accept not just the feeling that is in the moment, but also the fact that life WILL be up and down, you WILL sink back into old unwanted patterns every now and then, things will not always work out like you want, you WILL be sad, mad, bad, glad many more times in your life.
Accept that no matter how much spiritual work you do, how aware you are, how much you’ve learned and grown, you will experience the full range of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, as long as you live.
I’ve ‘ ed’ good and bad because it’s time to stop labelling these emotions. When you label, you separate and create pain by questioning why.
Accept that this is really, truly, ok. Like Charlie of Productive Flourishing says, what would happen if you didn’t think it was ‘bad’ to feel down?
Let go of that damn happiness “goal”.
The happiness that comes from achieving a goal or a dream is short-lived. If you’re like me, 20 seconds later you’re wondering what’s next. Goals will come and go and keep getting achieved.
Enjoy the anticipation instead!
The thing with anticipation (aka the journey) is that it’s almost always more fun than the actual event (aka the goal) you’ve been waiting for to happen.
It’s been said before and I’ll say it again – really, really, enjoy the ride. Cos when it’s over, that’s what you’ll remember.
Don’t make the memory about getting off the roller coaster and being sick, make it be about the stars you saw on top of the ride, the people who looked like ants below, and the gobs of fun you had squealing and laughing.
The moments each day is made up of, the tears and smiles, the ups and downs.
And one more thing – Forgive yourself. Love yourself. That is all.
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So .. watchu thinking? What’s your take on Happiness as a Goal vs a Value? What do you believe is your natural state of being? Do you agree or disagree with this post? I’m inviting your comments and would love to know what you’ve got to say! Cheers!
Emergency Manifesting Technique – for When It’s THIS Close & You’re Losing Patience!
Filed under: Conscious Creation, Inspired Action, Intention, Law of Attraction
Words have a lot of power. You know that.
Feelings, even more so.
Combine the two with a healthy mix of goodness and you’ve got a recipe for turning your dreams into reality.
You decide what you want, then you act as if, intend, visualise, journal, write scripts for your new reality, align with it etc.
It’s close, so close and you’re feeling really great about it. You just KNOW it’s happening right now and you’re enjoying the ride, practicing infinite patience.
Then, you wake up one morning and ask “Where is it? Why hasn’t it happened yet? Hmm.. that house better sell soon…. why isn’t my soulmate here yet…. what if I lose this job… why aren’t my perfect clients here yet…”
One little thought.
That’s all it was. You quickly try to recover and go back to believing, but a little seed has been planted.
Shortly after, it happens again. Now you’re starting to get upset and before you know it, you’re sinking fast into “it’s never gonna happen, might as well give up but please, please Universe let it happen, I know it will happen, but please can you make it happen now, I’m tired of waiting”!
You’ve skidded out of alignment with your desire by letting fear creep in.
That’s how it goes. If you haven’t gotten too out of alignment, you quickly steer back into feeling and acting as if what you want has already happened. You’re back on track!
Sometimes all it takes is a little tweak to let go of any resistance that may be blocking your manifestations.
When you sense an attachment or sabotage coming up, you can change it around by feeling through the fear, changing your words, doing something that makes you feel good and upping your vibe.
And at other times, it’s getting into that vibe that trips you up. That’s when you start wondering how to re-create it, how to get back into it, what techniques to use etc.
Recently, I’ve been manifesting a trip to New Zealand.
I did all the ‘right’ things – set my intention, acted as if (sorting clothes to take along, cancelling cable, writing rent check in advance etc), declined party invites, bought my ticket, applied for a visitor visa.
All was good till I realised I was cutting it fine.
A little panic set in wondering if I’d get my passport back in time. As that thought set in, delays started happening. My thoughts spiraled down until I was gripped with fear that I’d have to cancel my trip.
With less than 10 days to go till my flight left, I knew I had to do something, and fast if I wanted to be on it!
So I put my emergency plan into action (which I came up with right after I decided I needed one!).
- First, I sat down and asked “what do I really want”, no really, really want. I want the trip to happen, yes, but more than that, I want peace. Whether I go or not.
So I think peaceful thoughts, tweet and write down “I invite peace”, feel it in my body, listen to meditation music for an hour, and ask the Universe for help.
Within minutes, I am directed to a blog post about peace, someone tags me in a gratitude video about peace, and I find a Byron Katie video on ending suffering and becoming peaceful. Nicely played, Universe!
I do The Work to stop out of control thoughts. Ooooooh, this feels good!
- With spirits lifted, I look around for the next Inspired Action step.
Which leads to me writing an email to myself saying “Dear Tia, Your visa has been approved and will be with you by Friday” (this step is all about doing whatever you feel drawn to do).
- This makes me smile. Score! Feeling better already. What shall I do next?
A walk, you say? Ok. Straight to the bookstore to buy a few books and on the way home, I send love to the world around me, practically skipping for joy in the rain.
- I send love and gratitude to the visa officers.
Pure, unconditional thanks and appreciation for all the work they are doing, for their well being. Different from “thank you for giving me my visa”. I ask for nothing. This makes me feel so blissful, I could float in the sky like Balloon Boy!
I get home, turn on my computer and find an email saying “Hello Tia, I am pleased to let you know that your visa has been approved and we have mailed it to you today. You should receive it in the mail by Friday”.
I smile. I’m not jumping out of my chair as I thought I would cos I am already where I want to be – in the land of peace and joy. The turnaround in my feelings and this event has happened in the space of 2 hours!
With a thanks to the Universe and blurry eyes, I sense the power of my new EMT in ceasing suffering, turning any situation around and changing my vibe.
Many of us are VERY good at feeling now as we would feel then and are excellent manifestors. Still, there are times when doubt or fear creep in and nothing seems to work.
The next time you get caught up in the story and can’t get to your “feel good”, pre-pave your way into that feeling by focusing on what you need right in this moment.
Which = Peace or something like that. Watch how your feel good just FLOWS naturally from there
Btw, this technique also works when you don’t know how you would feel then ie, can’t imagine how it would feel like to sell your house, get married, achieve your particular dream, or when it seems too distant.
Ask for what will make you happiest in the moment.
It was peace for me, it could be something different for you. I’m betting peace will resonate with many of you though. Cos even if you can’t imagine what it would feel like to get what you want, you DO know what peace feels like. Right?
It feels like a calm, happy acceptance that all is well in this moment.
What I learned from this:
1) Act and feel now as you would feel then
2) Let go of the outcome
3) When you can’t let go cos it’s so important to you or coming down to crunch time, go for peace!
4) If you’ve gotten out of alignment with your desire or let doubt creep in, it’s a hard sell to get back on that horse. So make your way back there one step at a time.
Oh and posts for the next 1.5 months will be coming to you from the warm Southern Hemisphere. Woohoo!
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I would love to hear if you’ve had a similar experience AND to know what your emergency manifesting technique is. How do you stay aligned in the face of “deadlines” or time pressures? Thanks in advance for sharing!
Unmanifesting The Manifested – How To KEEP What You Attract?
Filed under: Inspired Action, Intention, Law of Attraction, Life
This was my status message on FB yesterday:
So. What does it mean when one attracts situations/things/people easily & then unmanifests them within weeks, just as easily? Was the 1st manifestation an illusion or is it fickle mindedness?
It has happened with me enough times to get really curious about the process of asking, receiving and unmanifesting our manifestations.
Is it that we think we want something and then change our minds when we get it – kinda like how girls tend to fall for emotionally unavailable men and how men lose interest after the chase? Yes, it’s a big generalisation and also partly true.
Have you ever found yourself asking for something, intending it, seeing it come true and soon after, lost interest in it? What do you make of that? Was it that:
- your initial intention wasn’t clear enough
- you sent out mixed messages
- fear came in the way
- it was an opportunity to test the waters with small manifestations
- you needed validation that you were on the right track
- you resist the changes your dream coming true brings
- you resist the BIG stuff you want, hence manifest smaller stuff
- you manifest dreams that are great to have but not THAT important to you and not what you REALLY want
- you manifest things in order to know whether you really want that cos until then you may just think you do and this shows you how you really feel about it?
There could be so many underlying reasons you attract what you want (or think you want) and then not want it anymore. Lets see if we can simplify this a little further. So you:
- wanted something, got it and then decided it was too much / got bored / didn’t want it anymore and that change in energy and vibe made it go away
- got it, were afraid of losing it and so, sabotaged it
- didn’t want it
- are addicted to the struggle and drama of getting and losing
- something else I’m missing here
When I put these thoughts out there, I got some great responses which I want to share with you:
If the “sending” intention is strong, you will attract what you want. However, as time passes, several reasons can interfere and weaken the original impulse especially if things develop in an unwanted way, development is out of alignment with the sending intention or your conditioned negative, self-limiting, fearful perception, thoughts, communication, and behaviour overrides and dilutes the power of the intention. Then, poof! Yet another disappointment. – MW
If David Hawkins (Transcending Levels of Consciousness) knows his stuff, then each higher level of awareness brings with it a greater ease of manifestation. And then the very human “Goldilocks” behaviour can kick in. “I thought this was it, but now I know it’s not.” You don’t notice this too much when it is played out over decades. But with higher awareness the cycle gets much shorter. – Steve
I think you’re totally on the right track with the idea of the test runs. You manifest something you want (“baby” sized to test it out) and then you realize that in the having of it, your wanting changed. So you unmanifest it because it no longer suits your needs (it did, but now it doesn’t). – Leslie
You’re just really in tune with what you want & don’t want…and as what you want changes, your vibration “unmanifests” the old (or actually I think just manifests the new vibration). – Leslie
The word ‘fear’ just came to my mind. Is there something that you are afraid of in having what you’ve manifested? – Marcus M
If the unmanifesting was unwanted, I think it’s a matter of learning to ground the new, expanded energy. Try getting familiar with really being with your new reality. It may be that being in the presence of what you have attracted still raises some issues (worthiness, expectations, pressure, fear of loss…) that make you back off. Get acquainted with your new reality by breathing easily & slowly in the presence of it, and allowing it to really fill & permeate your space. – MV
Sounds like there is some resistance there. You manifest because the desire is strong yet there is some resistance around beliefs, comfort zone etc. As your vibration simultaneously changes while the manifestation is still unfolding, so does the evidence of the physical manifestation.
Vibe change = you lose what you manifested.
Think back to how you felt once you got what it was you wanted…do you notice any change? – LG
WOW!! I couldn’t have summed it up any better than this.
So it ranges from not really wanting it in the first place, to letting saboteurs creep in and stop you from moving to the next level.
So what are some ways you can manifest and KEEP your manifestations?
- Sit with your intentions for a wee bit longer
- Check in with them regularly
- Keep correcting and refining the direction of your dreams if they’ve changed
- Enjoy these manifestations as signs of land (via DB) or indicators that you’re going in the right direction.
- ——————– What else?
Because life isn’t just about what happens when you get to your dream, but more about the little tweaks and changes and new experiences that happen along the way. Just like a plane flying across the world doesn’t fly in a straight line and adjusts to the conditions, minor course corrections are what keep us going along the path to our dreams….
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Huge thanks to those who responded on facebook, for letting me share your insights! I am looking forward to hearing YOUR thoughts on this now. What have you noticed about manifesting, dreams, intentions, fears? Thanks in advance xo
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