(This is a guest post by Dr Rob Pennington, author of “Find the Upside of the Down Times.”  Read through to the end – giving away this book to one lucky commenter – leave a comment to enter).

Henry Ford, founder of the Ford Motor Company said:

“There are people who think they can, and people who think they can’t and both are right!”

I took his quote and made it more personal, “Whether I think I can or I think I can’t, I’m right!”

I made it about me, and the way I think. The result has been profound.

When terrible experiences have happened to me, like getting shot or not having insurance to pay the $25,000 hospital bill, or not being able to pass a language in college, or being audited, or having a spouse with a devastating illness, it was hard to think positively.

I had to figure out how I could pull some benefit out of these hardships. It was not easy, but there is a way that works for me.

Any time I find myself in doubt or worrying or afraid, which is often, by definition I am thinking that I cannot be successful. I’m thinking that I can’t. For whatever length of time I think this way I do not come up with any actions towards being successful. Surprise!

How could it be otherwise?

If I think I can’t, why should I put effort into figuring out how I could? When I stop trying to figure it out I stop learning, which just reinforces my belief that I can’t, thereby creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

On the other hand, when I do learn what I need to learn I can begin to take steps toward my goal. When I see how I can achieve success it is easy to  believe that I can.

So the first question is, “When I don’t know how, how can I learn so that I can believe I can?”

The funny thing is I do figure things out at work.

I’m given new tasks every day, some of which are repetitive. They aren’t exactly the same but they are ‘in the ballpark’ of what I have done before, so I don’t know exactly how, but I know I will figure it out.

In this situation I believe I can – without knowing how.

I am suggesting that we can all take this same ability we already possess in one area of our lives, our work, and expand it to everything else. You may have to take one proactive, positive step based on the challenging circumstance of the moment.

When you don’t know how – go find someone who does. If that doesn’t work, if no one knows, then do anything that will move you one step in the direction of your goal.

Any step in a positive direction will give you a new perspective, new information and new insight that could lead to another step.

From there you will see another step. Every success is achieved by this process of taking a step, evaluating it, taking another step, and persisting until you eventually figure out the how.

We tend to think of a rocket or missile as being pretty accurate, but the truth is it is perpetually off course. Every few seconds the gyros inside make an adjustment. In fact, the rocket or missile isn’t exactly on course until it hits the target.

We are like that in relation to our goals.

But because we don’t know how many corrections we will have to make in our flight toward success we get afraid to start.

It might help to consider one of Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Successful People, “Begin At The End.” Stephen recommends ignoring the “how” at the beginning.

Focus instead on the end result you want to produce.

The more you focus on that, the more definition you give to your goal, the clearer your next step will be. In solving a problem, the more you know about the current situation and more defined the desired target the more elegant the solution you will create.

For example, I have been so blessed with the ideas I share in my book that I want a million people to benefit as well. But I have no idea how to make that happen. So I am taking every step I can to learn from those who have succeeded or helped other authors succeed.

In the process I am learning much more about the whole world of social media and marketing than I ever would have learned.

Each day I am getting closer. I’m sure there will be more to do than I expected; there already has been.

But the difference between a success and a failure is that the success tried one more time, they just never quit.

In this, I will never quit. 

W. Clement Stone, founder of Success magazine says: “Anything enthusiastically conceived, consistently envisioned, is inevitably achieved.” We just don’t tend to do the “consistently envisioned” part.

To some people it feels pointless to hold their minds on a goal without knowing how to get there.

But for others it is a key to their genius.

Both Einstein and Edison had special practices to do this.

• Einstein sat on a porch watching clouds until he “felt like a cloud.” Then he would hold his mind on the end result he wanted in an equation and would have an in-sight (sight that happens inside) into how to get from what he knew to there.

• Edison would sit in a chair he used only for this purpose holding big ball bearings in his hands. He would relax so completely that he would begin to fall asleep and the ball bearings would slip from his hands, crash on the floor, and bring him to a state of relaxed, focused awareness.

• He would also focus on the desired outcome and have an insight as to a potential next step he could try.

• The common theme here is to relax, breathe deeply, and become still. In that relaxed state, turn your mind’s eye towards imaging your desired goal in great detail. You can learn more about this process at: ow.ly/1yRB0J

Some people suggest you need merely to visualize this preferred ending.

But visualization only involves one of your inner, creative senses – the sense of sight. It is far more powerful to involve all five subtler senses of your imagination, and also add in some emotion.

Imagine how things look, but also how they feel to your sense of touch, what things sound, taste, and smell like. Get all those senses going in creating your inner vision of success, then imagine how it will feel emotionally when you have succeeded.

Use your memory of past times when you have felt the same way and feel that way in the present as you imagine the future Stay in a relaxed state, hold it for at least 30 seconds and see what insight(s) or next step(s) come to your mind. Then go do it.

Here’s to turning your worst experiences into your best opportunities. 

Author Bio: Dr Rob Pennington, is a professional speaker, trainer and author of ‘Find The Upside Of The Down Times’.

He is an educational psychologist who specializes in working with leaders and their direct reports to increase productivity by reducing resistance to change and/or conflict.

Visit his website for more details or check out his book on Amazon (not an affiliate link).

Wow, what an insightful read. Thanks Dr Pennington. So Sparklepants, what did you think of this post? We’re giving away a copy of this book to one lucky person. Scroll to the end, leave a comment stating why you’d like to win & it could well be yours! Winner will be chosen Oct 31st via a random draw.

If you want to live more authentically, connect with the essence of who you truly are & get your SHINE back, check out the 21 day Inner Sparkle e-course.

Stay updated:

1. Sign up here for weekly Tuesday inspiration updates right in your inbox (& get the kickass, fun, FREE ebook on 10 TOP ways to stop procrastinating and get things DONE).

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Xoxo, Tia

A question asked by a reader in the Coach T.I.A rebranding survey was along the lines of Life Balance. How do you live a balanced life while managing a job, family, friends, leisure time, spiritual development & home? And lo! Up popped Leslie with the exact same idea for a guest post just as I was about to write one – needless to say, we were on. Thanks Leslie for this excellent post about Balance & Imbalance!

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Isn’t it amazing how we can go into certain situations thinking we’re the “experts” only to find that the people we’re there to help end up teaching US great life lessons?!

This is what happened to me last summer when I developed a 2-hour lunch & learn program called “Embracing Your Imbalanced Life” for the American Society of Association Executives (ASAE) Women’s Executive Forum.

It was an unpaid job but promised me great exposure. As a new entrepreneur, I jumped at the chance to be in front of a new audience.

We set up a call to talk about what kind of topic might be appropriate for this group.  I started with a list of the things I usually facilitated and knew something about:

• Communication styles
• Personality conflicts & how to deal with them
• Process Improvement
• The Problem Solving Process

After each item I mentioned on my list my friend said the same thing:

“Boring!  We’ve heard it before!”

Fortunately I was able to move on from a severely bruised ego and ask, “So what are the holes then?  What is the thing this group needs someone to talk about?”

“Well, I don’t know about everyone else,” said my friend, “but I’m tired of hearing all the time that I need to be more balanced.

My life is imbalanced… I need to learn to deal with THAT!”

And so the idea was born.

We collaborated to create a class called “Embracing Your Imbalanced Life,” an interactive session focused on turning chaos into an asset.

A lunch program that normally gathers around 30 people, ended up drawing 75 powerful women together to talk about what we all wonder… how the heck DO we embrace the crazy, imbalanced lives we are living?!

(I guess this was a topic waiting to be talked about, huh!)

We played with a great exercise called The Wheel of Life to help people see where their lives might be out of balance and went through a series of questions about defining balance AND imbalance.

That’s when, in the midst of figuring out how imbalance can actually work for us, one group came up with a stunning realization!

We constantly compare ourselves to everyone else’s “Kodak moments.”

You know the ones..

• perfect family pictures snapped by a lovely Christmas tree
• vacation shots in front of the Eifel Tower
• snapshots from weddings, formals, & cocktail parties where we look our absolute BEST that we plaster all over Facebook

But where are the shots of people without make up and in the same pajamas for 3 days? Who’s posting those?

NO ONE!!

And who’s living that way?

LOTS OF PEOPLE!!

So we end up comparing the mental snapshots of our out-of-balance, crazy, hectic, make-us-want-to-tear-our-hair-out days with everyone else’s picture-perfect, photo-retouched, only-post-what’s-GREAT pictures on Facebook.

Is it any wonder we feel less than wonderful when we try to compare those two very opposite images?

NO!!

So after that realization, we talked about strategies for staying balanced WITHIN our imbalance.

• Planning a wedding that throws you out of balance financially –> using a budget keeps you sane
• Running a marathon=can’t walk for days –> a training program that builds slowly, makes it possible
• Changing jobs means longer hours as you learn  –> being clear on why the change is the right step for you (&/or your family) makes the long hours worth it

It was clear most of us weren’t going to magically become more balanced and have everything under control all the time.  But just like the perfect pictures on Facebook, we realized balance is a snapshot.

Sure we can get the family together for ONE great shot under the tree at Christmas.

But before we know it the kids are fighting, Dad’s back in front of the TV,  Aunt Bunny’s had one too many eggnogs, and we don’t care anyway because we’re online posting that perfect picture to prove to the world we DO have it all together.

“Look at US,” our picture proclaims. “We are happy & balanced, damn it!”

And we were (if only for a moment in time) – the picture proves it.  But what’s more fun…sitting for a perfect family picture or the chaos that ensues when the people we love are all under one roof celebrating being together?

I’d say it’s the latter.

But then again, I stopped using only the perfect pictures on Facebook.

The imbalanced ones end up getting a whole lot more laughs & comments.

And THAT, I love!

Maybe imbalance isn’t so bad after all.

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For information on how you can attend Leslie’s upcoming ‘Embrace Your Imbalanced Life’ workshop in Denver on August 7, 2010 click here or e-mail her at leslie@embraceimbalance.com.

So tell us, what do YOU think of balance & do you think balance is worth seeking or is imbalance where it’s at? Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Like what you read? Leave a comment, “like” it below, tweet it, join the Facebook page and Sign up for the Your Life YOUR Way ezine & updates.

Guest Post” Digging the Now, By Col McGunnigle, Life by Muse

“I’m pissed off at my dreamboard!”

I remember saying that two years ago. I had this gorgeous creation, with the exact guy and the exact house and the exact scenario all mapped out … and it was just *not* happening.

So I would walk by and give my dreamboard a little gesture along with the squinty-eyed look of death.

Not exactly the ideal place to create from!

At the time I completely misunderstood Law of Attraction and in this moment, I’ve found a better way of moving into the emotion of what you desire.

Futurization

If you like, you can envision your future reality and make it big and bright and juicy and if that works for you, great! At times I can get into it and those times are powerful … but in other moments, there is this blaring knowledge that my present is something different and apart.

Pastification

Remembering a past event when you did live your dream grounds you in the knowledge and understanding that it is very clearly possible. This is moving in the right direction. But still there may be that separation, that knowledge that this is not my reality NOW.

What do you do when you find yourself wading in a sea of counterproductive feelings? What about the times when where you are at feels like quicksand?

What works for *me* is getting into the now.

Look at what you want things to be like. Then ask, “Ok, where can I find a tiny little piece of that right here and now?”

Embrace it. Take it in, appreciate it, hug it and kiss it and savor its presence. Expand on it and make it big and bright and beautiful.

You want to be prosperous? Look around you. Do you have a TV? Do you have food to eat? A roof over your head? A phone? We’re ahead of the game. Many people in this world do not have these things. We are truly truly prosperous.

Or at least embrace the concept that you have a tiny little taste of prosperity and look around you in every direction to find proof that this is so. Gather as much evidence as you can, big or small. Best to start small.

You are crafting a line to pull yourself out of the quicksand. So..

• You want to be in a loving relationship? Who loves you now? Your mother, your father, your best friend, your cat? Collect all of your proof and roll around in it. Be grateful that you are so very loved.

• You want your brother to be more positive? He has said ten unpleasant things … has he said one decent thing? Even just one? Thank him for the one, either directly or to yourself. Focus on what you appreciate.

What you focus on expands.

Build yourself a little story, a little bridge out of the muck. The beginnings can be so-so. They can be tiny proof, little itty bitty so-so proof. Give thanks for the tiny proof. Then be on the lookout for one step bigger proof. You will find it. I know you will.

Begin crafting your story and adding and adding until you find your way out.

This is the strongest form of visualization, at least for me … one which begins with a grounded seed of truth and is built up little by little until the vision is full and rich. Then you can grab hold of it.

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Colleen McGunnigle is a designer specializing in the art of attraction. She creates imagery which sings to the soul and radiates the spirit of your work, so your logo and web site attract people who are a perfect match to you.

Her design clients are life coaches and healers so she is in a continual state of discovery, inspired by the wealth of wonderful tools available at our fingertips to create a rich and delicious life.

At Life by Muse, she shares discoveries along her journey … insights, tips and tricks … with YOU!

Tia: Man this girl GETS it. Thanks Col, for this brilliant post! Be sure to leave a comment for her and let her know if you enjoyed this post.  I just had a lightbulb moment reading it so I’ll pop down below and write about it. WOW!

Like what you read? Tweet it below, share it on Facebook by hitting the “Like” button, leave a comment, join the Facebook page and Sign up for the Your Life YOUR Way ezine!

I met DC based blogger, facilitator & coach Leslie Stein on twitter a few months ago, and then in person when she visited Vancouver in the fall. Was blown away by her amazing Penny Project and cajoled her into writing about it for you.

She’d love to hear from you so be sure to leave her a comment. Prepare to be REALLY inspired! Happy reading!

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I’ve learned an incredible amount in the last 3 years.

There have been lots of reasons for this.  Classes I’ve attended, people I’ve met, the place I’ve traveled, the challenging work I pushed myself to take on.

But of all the places & all the things, I have to admit that the largest part of my learning came from a place I never expected.

Most of what I’ve learned in the last three years, I learned from pennies.

Yep, pennies.

The little 1-cent jobbers most people ignore without a second look.  You’re probably wondering, “What could you have possibly learned from a penny?!”

Believe it or not, I’ve picked up some pretty huge life lessons.

I guess it all started on December 29^th, 2006 when I randomly found a $20 bill in the crosswalk on my way home from work.  I’m not usually one for New Year’s resolutions, but this $20 bill got me thinking (after I finished my happy dance & spent it on getting a pedicure).

I mean really…were people just tossing $20’s in the street?

(I think I may have pinpointed the source of our economic woes!)

Long story short, I decided to start picking up all the change I found in 2007 to see how much I’d end up with.  So I started picking up pennies…or really any money I found on the ground, but mostly pennies.

I was pretty shocked at how much I was finding.

• By June I had about $15 and a handful of friends also bringing me their pennies.
• By September I’d started a blog about my found money adventures and been filmed to be in a short movie about pennies
• By the end of the year, my little band of change collectors & I had amassed over $85 in total.

Not bad.

All the while this Penny Project was going on I was having a series of meltdowns about why my life wasn’t turning out to be a ’10.’ I wanted to be happy like everyone else.

Why couldn’t I find someone to date in DC?  Why had I been a bridesmaid 7 times and never a bride?  Why…why, why, WHY?!

I was having these meltdowns via telephone with my mom, who also happens to be one of my closest friends.  Every time I called, I kept asking her why my life wasn’t a 10.

Finally one day, she said, “Are you so sure it’s not?”

Um yeah…I think I’d know if my life was a 10.

Her theory was that I had a lot of good days.  Let’s call these days ’7s.’

And every once in awhile, I had a REALLY good day, which we’ll call ’10s’. Mom could list off several of these days without trying too hard.. like the day a friend of mine took me to The Grammy’s. It was hard not to call that a 10 even when I was pouting on the phone with mom!

She said that for my life to be a 10, maybe all I needed was a series of 7s and a 10 every now and then.

Huh!? I’m a language major and not always the best with numbers… but I still didn’t know what kind of “new math” gave my mom the idea that 7+7+7=10.

I wasn’t buying what she was selling.

Then one day on my way home I found a $5 bill.  I was so excited I could barely contain myself (I’m pretty sure I screamed and completely freaked out the lady walking behind me).

(I know $5 isn’t much…but pick up grimy pennies out of the gutter for a few months and you’ll have a whole new appreciation for a fiver!)

Anyhow, I got home and added it to my spreadsheet and saw that I had broken the $20-mark for the year. I had been secretly challenging myself to see if that would happen…with months left in the year I had already bested my $20 find.

It was a nice moment.

Over the next few days on my walks to work (2+ miles each way…lots of time to think and scan the sidewalk for pennies) I compared my life to the Penny Project.

I started thinking about my mom’s comments and equated my findings to the scale we’d been talking about.

• Finding paper money of any kind…that is definitely a 10, or what I would call a “peak experience.”  Major excitement,possibly some screaming.
• Finding a quarter…gotta give that a 9.  That’s 25 pennies.  All at once.  Definitely a week-maker.
• Nickels & Dimes, those are 8s.  Seeing silver definitely makes me smile.  It’s not a huge deal…but damn it’s exciting to see a shiny thing on the sidewalk and realize it’s more than 1 cent!
• Finally, our friend the penny, comes in at a 7.  You can’t buy anything with it.  Most people get so annoyed with them they just leave them on the sidewalk if they drop one.

But since starting my project, I’d grown to appreciate the little buggers and definitely got a warm fuzzy when I saw one.

It wasn’t enough to make me think finding one made a red letter day (I found one almost every day on the way to work…usually several) but each one definitely made me smile and think of the spreadsheet and my friends who were also looking for pennies (by now it was up to 30 or 40 people).

As the year came to a close I tallied up all my pennies & other money.  In 2007, I found a total of $32.76.  And with all the money my friends found & contributed, the total was up to $85.56.  Not bad for abandoned coins and the occasional paper currency.

As I looked at the totals, I thought back to my mom’s “new math” and heard her saying, “Maybe 7+7+7=10.”  Was it possible she was right?!

After a year of picking up these grubby, little coins, I could see that the majority of what I’d found had been pennies.

Sure there was a few quarters and dimes (and that very exciting $5 bill) in the total…but mostly I’d accumulated a whole bunch of ’7s’

And when it was all said and done, they added up to MORE than my original $20…which I thought of as a ’10′.

Crap!  I love my mom…but I really hate having to call and tell her she was right.

So here’s what I’ve concluded from this rather ridiculous experience – Happiness is here…you just have to see it.

Figure out what the 7’s are in your life.

Most people don’t need help w/ the 10’s…marriage, birth of a child, graduation, promotion… the good stuff we celebrate with parties.  But few of us ever consider the 7s.

When I started to really pay attention to them, I found there were a lot more than I had realized.  Silly things.

Like the fact I totally love getting the mail.  Don’t know why, I just always have.  Even if it’s junk mail or the mailbox is empty.  There’s that moment of anticipation before I open the mailbox that maybe, just maybe…today’s the day I get something really, really good!

I also rate as 7’s:

• a good cup of coffee
• sleeping in
• wearing my pink galoshes in the rain
• my cat purring

I could go on and on…but the point isn’t to list all my 7s…it’s to inspire other people to think about theirs.

What are your life’s pennies? Do you take stock of them and put them in your emotional piggy bank or just overlook them as unimportant because really…what’s a penny gonna get you?

As silly as finding happiness in pennies sounds…it really has made a huge impact on my life. And in fact, it’s made an impact on some other lives as well.

Since starting this project, hundreds of people have donated found money, opened their wallets, written me checks, or just emptied their pockets and handed over the contents.

When we hit the $500 mark earlier this year, we donated the money to the first annual Young Women’s National Conference, promoting self-esteem for young girls 14-17 years old (http://www.ywnc.net).

All those pennies paid for the financial literacy panel at the event!

Of course, I still don’t have life completely figured out.  There are still tearful calls to my mom wondering why I’ve now been a bridesmaid 9 times and am on deck for number 10.

But the tears don’t last as long because I can look around at my warm cup of coffee, the keys to my mailbox, my purring cat, and all my pennies to see that even without having EVERYTHING I want, my life really IS a 10 after all!

(For more information on The Penny Project or Leslie’s other initiatives, you can visit her website at www.fullcircleinspiration.com. Go ahead and leave a comment telling us what you thought of Leslie’s post and PLEASE do share your own 7′s in life - we’d be delighted to hear from you!)

Gosh I’m excited! During our coaching session yesterday, Giselle, a writer, talked about how she overcame procrastination and seeing as I JUST recently did a teleclass on that, I had to ask if she would share her story.

I know it helps many of us to hear real life experiences so without further ado, in her own words, is the first ever Guest Blogger at Coach T.I.A.

Woohooo, thanks and welcome Giselle!

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On March 13th, 2009 I joined Twitter. Twelve days later I made a decision that altered my life significantly. I hired Tia as my life coach. When I look back, I truly had no idea as to the purpose of a coach.

I just knew that I was at a standstill and I needed to move forward.

In the six months we worked together, my personal concepts of self-love, my goals and my dependence on procrastination, took a 180-degree turn. Through our sessions I began to peel away my layers of denial and reason. I had a notebook full of reasons as to why I could not write.

 Mom
 Wife
 Walk the Dog
 Work full time
 Wash the dishes
 Vacuum
 Laundry
 Make dinner
 Eat
 Sleep

To the outside world I proclaimed to writing daily.

“I am a writer.”

Well Balderdash! I was not a writer.

Hmm, that statement should be clarified. In my mind I believed I was a writer, but that did not hold true in my heart.

The conviction that my love of writing should take a greater importance in my day-to-day life did not hold true for me. So I procrastinated.

Writing became a chore. Something I only found the ability to do when all else was complete. You can bet how often that happened. But my coach refused to let me hide behind my daily commitments. Over and over again she would ask, “What is important to you?” “What do you want?”

My response varied a bit in the beginning, but one statement held firm: “I want to be a writer. I want to earn a comfortable living through writing.” To which the response, “What do you need to do to accomplish this? “ Me: “Write.”

We investigated why I did not find time to write. It came down to this; I refused to acknowledge that my passion, writing, was necessary to my well-being.

I did not rate the need to write as important because I felt guilty in taking part in activity that was solely for me. She saw through my bravado and reasoning from the start and called me on it, which was a first for me. After a few sessions, we agreed on a regimen.

My mission if I chose to accept it, was to write for ten minutes each day. Such a small and simple step helped open my eyes. I re-discovered why I loved to write.

• I became a monthly contributor to a site, which focuses on writers and writing.
• My blog content improved as my follower count grew.
• I stopped including my “ten minute” session in my daily task outline.
• There was no longer a need. I found time to write. I valued my passion and myself.

Just so you know, I did not inherit a fairy godmother. My life remains hectic and filled with “must do”, “have to”, and “need to do” priorities, but I have learned the true value of prioritizing. I became very clear on what brought me joy. And I continued doing that each day, one step at a time.

I became limitless. I opened up to the countless opportunities the world had in store. My battle with procrastination ended, and I was the victor.

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About Giselle MacLean: I am the Managing Editor of BreakFree, a blog that passionately charts my personal challenges as a wife, mother and friend; while managing a career within the financial services industry. I offer detailed reviews on select novels, personal and professional how-to advice and I provide a wonderfully, exciting glimpse into the future Giselle.

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Back to Tia: Wow, that’s quite a journey! Many thanks to Giselle for sharing what worked for her as she focussed on her goals step by baby step. Have you had a similar experience? Would love to hear how YOU stayed on track and stopped procrastinating about something that was important to you. Thanks for sharing!