Embrace Your Imbalanced Life

July 21, 2010 by Tia · 8 Comments
Filed under: Guest Posts, Life YOUR Way 

A question asked by a reader in the Coach T.I.A rebranding survey was along the lines of Life Balance. How do you live a balanced life while managing a job, family, friends, leisure time, spiritual development & home? And lo! Up popped Leslie with the exact same idea for a guest post just as I was about to write one – needless to say, we were on. Thanks Leslie for this excellent post about Balance & Imbalance!

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Isn’t it amazing how we can go into certain situations thinking we’re the “experts” only to find that the people we’re there to help end up teaching US great life lessons?!

This is what happened to me last summer when I developed a 2-hour lunch & learn program called “Embracing Your Imbalanced Life” for the American Society of Association Executives (ASAE) Women’s Executive Forum.

It was an unpaid job but promised me great exposure. As a new entrepreneur, I jumped at the chance to be in front of a new audience.

We set up a call to talk about what kind of topic might be appropriate for this group.  I started with a list of the things I usually facilitated and knew something about:

  • Communication styles
  • Personality conflicts & how to deal with them
  • Process Improvement
  • The Problem Solving Process

After each item I mentioned on my list my friend said the same thing:

“Boring!  We’ve heard it before!”

Fortunately I was able to move on from a severely bruised ego and ask, “So what are the holes then?  What is the thing this group needs someone to talk about?”

“Well, I don’t know about everyone else,” said my friend, “but I’m tired of hearing all the time that I need to be more balanced.

My life is imbalanced… I need to learn to deal with THAT!”

And so the idea was born.

We collaborated to create a class called “Embracing Your Imbalanced Life,” an interactive session focused on turning chaos into an asset.

A lunch program that normally gathers around 30 people, ended up drawing 75 powerful women together to talk about what we all wonder… how the heck DO we embrace the crazy, imbalanced lives we are living?!

(I guess this was a topic waiting to be talked about, huh!)

We played with a great exercise called The Wheel of Life to help people see where their lives might be out of balance and went through a series of questions about defining balance AND imbalance.

That’s when, in the midst of figuring out how imbalance can actually work for us, one group came up with a stunning realization!

We constantly compare ourselves to everyone else’s “Kodak moments.”

You know the ones..

  • perfect family pictures snapped by a lovely Christmas tree
  • vacation shots in front of the Eifel Tower
  • snapshots from weddings, formals, & cocktail parties where we look our absolute BEST that we plaster all over Facebook

But where are the shots of people without make up and in the same pajamas for 3 days? Who’s posting those?

NO ONE!!

And who’s living that way?

LOTS OF PEOPLE!!

So we end up comparing the mental snapshots of our out-of-balance, crazy, hectic, make-us-want-to-tear-our-hair-out days with everyone else’s picture-perfect, photo-retouched, only-post-what’s-GREAT pictures on Facebook.

Is it any wonder we feel less than wonderful when we try to compare those two very opposite images?

NO!!

So after that realization, we talked about strategies for staying balanced WITHIN our imbalance.

  • Planning a wedding that throws you out of balance financially –> using a budget keeps you sane
  • Running a marathon=can’t walk for days –> a training program that builds slowly, makes it possible
  • Changing jobs means longer hours as you learn  –> being clear on why the change is the right step for you (&/or your family) makes the long hours worth it

It was clear most of us weren’t going to magically become more balanced and have everything under control all the time.  But just like the perfect pictures on Facebook, we realized balance is a snapshot.

Sure we can get the family together for ONE great shot under the tree at Christmas.

But before we know it the kids are fighting, Dad’s back in front of the TV,  Aunt Bunny’s had one too many eggnogs, and we don’t care anyway because we’re online posting that perfect picture to prove to the world we DO have it all together.

“Look at US,” our picture proclaims. “We are happy & balanced, damn it!”

And we were (if only for a moment in time) – the picture proves it.  But what’s more fun…sitting for a perfect family picture or the chaos that ensues when the people we love are all under one roof celebrating being together?

I’d say it’s the latter.

But then again, I stopped using only the perfect pictures on Facebook.

The imbalanced ones end up getting a whole lot more laughs & comments.

And THAT, I love!

Maybe imbalance isn’t so bad after all.

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For information on how you can attend Leslie’s upcoming ‘Embrace Your Imbalanced Life’ workshop in Denver on August 7, 2010 click here or e-mail her at leslie@embraceimbalance.com.

So tell us, what do YOU think of balance & do you think balance is worth seeking or is imbalance where it’s at? Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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Manifesting in the Matrix

July 18, 2010 by Tia · 5 Comments
Filed under: Inspired Action, Intention, Law of Attraction 

No, not THAT one.

The Matrix is something I learned about yesterday at Tut.com’s Playing the Matrix event in Vancouver.

Now, if you’ve been around this blog a while or we’re connected on twitter / elsewhere on social media, you KNOW how obsessed I am with my daily TUT notes from the Universe.

They are personally written for me, just me, not the thousands of people they go out to every day, who just get it incidentally. You see, me & Mike, we’ve got a deal.

(For those who don’t know what I’m talking about – just sign up now for Notes from the Universe & thank me later).

I have a feeling the Matrix just changed my manifesting forever.

This was a workshop quite unlike most others – it had to be, it’s TUT! – and even though most of the concepts were already known to me, something about the way Mike presented them flipped a switch.

Here it is then, in the simplest way I can explain.

The Matrix goes from left to right. On the left of the manifestation scale, the # 1 thing we all want, is:

HAPPINESS

Right after happiness come other things like peace, prosperity, contentment, freedom, passion, fun, laughter etc, which take high precedence in our lives.

These are the core inner desires behind all our outer desires.

For example, travel and see the world: outer desire.

How you will feel when you do that, in my case : excited to explore new cultures, be connected, appreciate beauty, THOSE are the real desires.

Mike also included 5 areas of our lives on the left (or middle) of the matrix, including livelihood, relationships and abundance.

These are the desires where our focus needs to be if we TRULY want to manifest easily, quickly & amazingly!

  • Stay open to the form, the how’s, the who’s, the where’s, the what’s.
  • Know how you want to feel & find ways to feel like that now.

But what do we do instead?

We, me, most of us get drawn into the right side of the Matrix, into varying degrees of wants and desires, ranging from career, love, money, friends, travel to specific jobs, employers, people and things.

When you’re focused on the stuff on the right, esp the furthest on the Matrix (THIS girl, THAT job, exactly $10,000 from lotto), you’re limiting yourself, limiting the Universe and limiting all opportunities that are trying to come your way.

Say you really want a relationship and you’re just hell bent on having Jimmy as your man, Jimmy who works in the same office as you and doesn’t know you exist, or Jimmy who doesn’t feel the same way about you.

Note: I don’t know any Jimmy’s!

By focusing on a specific person (come on, who hasn’t done this one time or the other in their lives ;) ), you’re saying you don’t want anyone else cos your limited life experience can’t even begin to imagine that someone wayyyy more perfect for you, who is everything you want and don’t even KNOW you want, is coming your way.

The more you place limits, timelines and caveats on your wishes, the harder you’re making it to manifest & closer you are to disappointment. Especially if you’re attached to them.

Yeah I know what you’re thinking now – but what about vision boards, goals, being specific about numbers, dates etc?

Great point!

There’s HUGE power in setting dates as in “millionaire by 2011″ as long as  you’re not attached to it happening or even how it happens!

If you HAVE to be attached, be attached to the left side of the matrix and DETACH from the right.

State exactly what you want, use specifics to get into the feeling place of what you want, and let events unfold. This isn’t to say don’t take any action at all, unless that’s what feels right and good.

If you want to do this effortlessly instead of pushing boulders up a mountain, be smart about it! Use leverage, take tiny actions. To quote a TUTism,

You don’t take “baby steps” for the distance they cover, but to put yourself within reach of life’s magic.

Just like you don’t hoist your sails to move the boat, but to put yourself within reach of the wind.

Hoist, baby, hoist, baby, 1, 2, 3, 4 -

The Universe

ps: Just like you don’t sing in the car to be heard… Why do you do that?

How empowering & freeing is that!?

To know that you don’t have to do it alone, that taking steps aren’t about doing it all but getting you to the tipping point?

And that if you just keep showing up, day after day, one day things will change so fast it will seem like magic and you’ll wonder what just happened!

Believe this now – people, things and events are conspiring in your favour.

Trust that there is a LOT going on behind the scenes that you don’t know about, and don’t need to know about.

All you have to do is decide what you want in general terms, get specific about your desires if that feels good, and keep doing one little things a day towards your dreams. Then, in no uncertain terms, it.will.happen.

Manifest in the Matrix!

General to Specific. Left to Right.

Check out Mike Dooley’s Matrix tour coming to a city near you – the stories he shared about his life & adventures are totally inspiring and FUN and this event is just the coolest.

Over to you! I know many of us have manifested very specific things & I’m thinking we probably gave up attachment temporarily to allow that to happen.

What do you think? Have you had any experiences to the contrary? What are your easiest manifestations and what’s really been hard for you so far? Look forward to your thoughts & comments.

ps: Like the post? Go ahead & hit the “like” button or share it, thanks so much! x

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The Flawed Search for Courage

July 8, 2010 by Tia · 15 Comments
Filed under: Experiments, Fun, Inspired Action, courage 

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/simiant/44806824/

One of you posed a question in the rebranding survey that got me thinking.

Specifically, you wondered how you could find the mental space, the courage you need to take control of your life & career.

One that’s not as enjoyable as you wish.

It’s not the first time I’ve heard the wistfulness and frustation behind the query.

If you’re not someone who feels like this, then you’re someone who used to or someone who knows someone else who still does.

It’s that feeling of a life half lived. On everyone’s terms but your own, or so it feels. I can tell you this, it wasn’t the easiest thing in the world for me to find the answers. And when I did, oh boy.

It really was the simplest thing.

We often say “it’s simple but not easy” (sounds like a self limiting belief to me, one that I definately want to explore cos isn’t Ease just a matter of habit – the more we practise, the easier it get? .. I digress).

Wikipedia defines Courage as: bravery, fortitude, will, and intrepidity, the ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty, or intimidation.

You already know that the concept of courage being something external that you have to find or develop in order to get the life you want, is flawed.

There are many occasions in your life that you have exhibited courage, even if you didn’t know it at the time. Those were times you didn’t have to ask for it, look for it or try to build it.

Those were times when you were in alignment with your values, your beliefs, your essential self. The times you were just BEING.

Like when you stood up for a friend being picked on, when you let yourself be vulnerable in love, when you were hurt by someone and got over it, when you got fired and picked up the pieces to start over, when you left home to go to Uni thousands of miles away, when you spoke up at the office meeting.

You might think “oh, but that’s not courage, that’s just life”.

I’m here to tell you,

Courage isn’t just something you magically grow in an emergency or when something goes wrong.

Courage is not something that comes to you when you’re fighting a serious illness like cancer. That my friends, is what you do to survive.

In my opinion, we’ve got it backwards.

Courage is daily life.

The little decisions we make on a regular basis when we choose “right” from wrong”, act with integrity, the choices we make when no one is looking.

It’s all too easy to dismiss those decisions as “life”.

What would change if you started viewing yourself as living courageously, with heart, every day of your life?

Because you are.

You’re just not seeing it, or focusing on it enough. As long as you think courage is something you have to develop, you’ll find yourself lacking.

When you start noticing and being aware of the actions you take daily, the words you speak, the thoughts you think, and commit to them being aligned with your values, then my friend, you’re living a courageous life.

Even though the degree might vary.

Each time you make a decision to be who you truly are, you’re tapping into your inner self, which is where courage lives. And you start living a life YOU want.

So how do you become more aware of how truly courageous you ALREADY are and CELEBRATE your way into more acts of courage?

Here are my top tips:

  • Treat life as an adventure - you’re not here to “get it right”, you’re here to have the experiences you want
  • Raise your consciousness
  • Find one thing you did each day that is courageous by these standards
  • Make a list of times in your life you’ve acted with courage, ie, listened to your heart, stood up for someone or something you believed in. You’ll be surprised how many times you were being brave but didn’t even know it.
  • Experiment with fear
  • Remember that everything is temporary - if you lose what you fear losing, you will still be MORE than ok
  • Know that no matter what, you cannot make a wrong choice – your choices ARE your unique life path

Courage isn’t about freeing yourself of undesirable situations, it’s allowing yourself to step into more of YOU. How’s that for living your life to its fullest, funnest potential? There’s nothing to change, just more of you to discover :)

I’d love to hear about you – when was the last time you acted courageously, whether you realised it at the time or not? Are there some areas of your life where you’re more courageous than others? What’s different there? Looking forward to your insights and experiences. Thanks in advance for sharing!

ps: Do you know someone who could benefit from having a little more faith in themselves? Please do them a kindness and share this post. Many thanks!

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