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What’s Your New Story In The New Year?
Just heard about an inventive (and brilliant!) idea from a friend for how to “do” New Year Intentions so of course I’m running right over to share it with you.
This year, instead of (or along with, if that feels better) the usual goals you tend to set by default every year – and break by March – what if you set themes for each month?
Why New Year resolutions usually fail is because you pick too many things to do and change, without any thought as to how you’re going to stick to them.
Or because you don’t have a good enough compelling reason to change, lack a plan or passion for something different. Or a few more reasons.
Which is where Leo’s post on how to stick to your new year resolution comes in real handy as he suggests picking 6 goals / habits for the year and breaking them down into baby action steps to help you really ingrain each one.
This ties in nicely with picking a theme for a month and then playing with it very intentionally for 30 days. For example, I picked LOVE for January and all this month I’m going to act as if and create an alternate reality.
Now the love I’m talking about means romantic love AND I also know it all starts with self love so I’ll start by loving myself, getting massages, whispering sweet nothings to myself, writing love notes.
(If you picked love you could cook a decadent meal for two, play some soft music and act as if you were having an intimate dinner with your lover or whatever is it YOU’D want in a relationship – get the picture?)
The idea is to say, do and be the happy, in love person you think you’ll be when you do meet someone.
I believe 30 days of giving yourself to the theme of the month is enough to get your thoughts, habits and energy in alignment with your heart’s desire.
This is a GREAT way to stay focused on what you want without trying to manifest 100 other things at the same time, then freaking out and wondering why nothing’s happening.
Other themes I’m playing with (months to be decided):
- Fitness
- Writing
- Time-Out / Self Indulgence
- Connecting with friends
- Nature
- Daily Adventures – something new each day!
- What would YOU pick?
Oh and while you’re at it, how about writing a letter to yourself from the future on Dec 31, 2010 talking about all the things that happened this year and how wonderfully your desires came to fruition? Then tuck it away in a nice safe place and re-open it at the end of the year!
(If you’re like me, you’ll probably read it every month or so. Either ways, you’re doing it right!)
I’m off to write mine now and if you’re very good, I might share it here 
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Would love to hear how YOU set intentions / resolutions/ goals for the coming year and what processes and resources you’re using to help manifest them. Care to share yours?
Oh and HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!
I’m speaking from the future and the water’s great so come on in!
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When The Destination is Better Than the Journey!
You’ve always heard me talk about how the journey is more important than the destination.
Well, I lied.
In this impromptu video I made while out on a walk at my holiday destination the other day, I had to eat my words.
So I’m amending that to 70% journey, 30% destination.
Cos if it isn’t going to be fulfilling, exciting and joyful when you get what you want, then why bother wanting / doing it at all?
Of COURSE the goal is important and most of the time, is so worth it IF you’ve managed to keep it in perspective.
Else, be prepared for the big let down that happens when you get what you wanted and then wonder what’s next.
I guess my point is that if you get all caught up in the big goals, and think that’s ALL that will make you happy, you’re headed to doomsville. But if you can keep focused on how awesome it will be AND enjoy the journey as well, you’re golden.
So – where else do you think the destination has the journey beat?
I like the example I gave but when I watched this vid again, I realised I left out the journey UPTO that point which is pretty awesome for most women. It’s just that last bit, the caterpillar turning into a butterfly stage that isn’t any fun.
The rest of the time? It’s what we CHOOSE to make it.
That’s all folks!
ps: Ok, I guess I lied again. The journey WAS kinda fun too! It’s just that the view from the top had it beat 
(pps: Watch it at your own risk - it’s FULL of half eaten words, breathless talking and mispronunciations galore – I wasn’t going to put it up but since I haven’d done something that has scared me in a while, here’s my attempt to make up for that by putting up a bare bones, au natural edit-less single shot candid camera recording for you!)
I’ll be away from the internet *GASP* for a couple of days so am leaving you with some breathtaking views and a note sayin’ MERRY CHRISTMAS, happy holiday season and much love to you all.
I am SO grateful to have you in my life, reading, commenting, sharing, contributing to our community. You rock!
See you in a few days xoxo
Attracting a mate – Give It Up or Wait It Out?
This is a topic that has been talked about in earlier posts (not necessarily related to relationships though) and was brought to my attention again recently.
You see, it’s that time of the year that I’ve been getting quite a few readers asking me about the best way to manifest a relationship (just something about the end of the year that makes us all evaluate our dreams and desires, maybe?).
I’ve heard stories of friends who decided what they wanted, made a list and focused on it till they met the love of their life.
Like my friend who intended to manifest her dream man, met him within 3 weeks, was engaged within 4 months, married within 9 months and is happy as can be.
On the other hand, I hear plenty of stories of people who gave up looking for their soul-mate and just as soon as they took their focus off meeting The One, bam! They literally ran into them around the corner.
I’ve experienced both. I once threw a Universal tantrum, demanded and happily manifested a partner within days. AND I have done it the other way too – intended to be in a relationship, journaled about it and then let it go, meeting someone special just weeks later!
These methods were quite different energetically, and yet, they both worked.
In the first instance, I got mad and stated my desire in no uncertain terms, giving off a ‘this is what I want and I bloody well get it asap’ vibe.
In the other, I was happy and peaceful and just trusted that I would get what I wanted without spending much time thinking about it.
(The common factors in both instances were clarity and determination)
So here’s my question to you:
Do you stay focused on your desire till it manifests, or have you found more success by intending it and letting your focus go elsewhere?
What has your experience been?
Please share your real life (or hearsay) stories and experiences so that others with the same question can benefit from your response.
Gosh, am I ever looking forward to reading about how you met and attracted your partner – as are the readers who emailed me. Thanks in advance for sharing!
ps: Even if you didn’t “manifest” your partner consciously, I’d love to know how you met. It’s the season for love and thanks so share the love with the rest of us here 
Pursuing Happiness Is A Trap & YOU’RE in it.
Filed under: Intention, Life, Passion, Spirituality, happiness
Ever feel like you did something really stupid?
Irrational.
Something that made no sense at all.
Ever then kicked yourself when you did it again?
And again. And again?
You’re so aware, you really should’ve known better..
Ever made an assumption that turned out to be totally wrong?
What about the “good” assumptions – like assuming birthdays should be extra special days just cos you were born on that day. Like the best time to set new intentions is when it’s a new moon.
Like someone you love should love the same things you do.
How do these serve you?
When you assume something, it’s most likely based in fear. Fear that keeps you from truly being happy as long as you associate those thoughts with past actions and experiences.
I was thinking about assumptions and anticipation today as I wandered into my favourite little crystal / mystic shop near Queenstown.
About how I anticipated this trip and how I assumed it would make me feel. Getting here to find that it’s neither how I dreamed, nor how I expected.
(You’ve been with me as I planned this trip, excitedly booked flights, got my visa, and packed excitedly)
So where did that state of sheer happiness go?
Don’t get me wrong – it’s all going well and I AM happy, it’s just that I might have mistaken high energy and anticipation for happiness.
Thinking that cos it wasn’t as warm (weather wise) or as much of a homecoming I thought it would be, I would have to do something to be ‘happier’.
You see, in my mind, it was ’supposed’ to be a certain way.
As I browsed the shop still musing, I was drawn to a book.
Hello, the Happiness Trap. Resonance! What I read struck me: Did you know you’re shooting yourself in the foot when you make ‘looking for happiness’ your main goal in life?
Living a values based life is what will bring you true happiness, as opposed to living a goals based life – quoted non verbatim.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about dreams and goals and the pursuit of happiness is definitely one of human-kind’s biggies.
It’s when we assume that anything less than a happy vibe will take us away from this ultimate goal, that we pay a huge price – fear, anxiety and stress.
To live an illusion of happiness, most people shy away from negative feelings and do whatever they can to make them ‘go away’. These people are sometimes you and me.
(Even though for the most part, we DO know better, yay us!)
You’re smart enough to allow emotions and feelings to be fully experienced, knowing that what you resist persists.
You know all you want is to feel good again and being LOA and personal development savvy, you’ll stay with it so you can get past it. The way out of it is often through it.
It happened to me when I talked about being dragged into the emotions and drama of being a victim in the past, when I was hard on myself for being in that place again, till I realised just how far I had actually come.
But this book really got me seeing things differently again.
It made me see that anxiety is normal. Contrary to belief, happiness is not yet our normal state of being and is influenced by the fears of others around us as we’re growing up.
(I believe we ARE headed that way one little step at a time, just not fully there yet).
Happiness is not the same as feeling good.
It’s a feeling of being alive, full of life force energy. And by its very nature, life force energy covers all human emotions and ranges.
Just like the tide ebbs and flows, nature reinvents itself, trees and plants grow and die, life begins and ends, there is always a polar opposite of every emotion and feeling known to us.
This brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘acceptance’.
Accept not just the feeling that is in the moment, but also the fact that life WILL be up and down, you WILL sink back into old unwanted patterns every now and then, things will not always work out like you want, you WILL be sad, mad, bad, glad many more times in your life.
Accept that no matter how much spiritual work you do, how aware you are, how much you’ve learned and grown, you will experience the full range of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, as long as you live.
I’ve ‘ ed’ good and bad because it’s time to stop labelling these emotions. When you label, you separate and create pain by questioning why.
Accept that this is really, truly, ok. Like Charlie of Productive Flourishing says, what would happen if you didn’t think it was ‘bad’ to feel down?
Let go of that damn happiness “goal”.
The happiness that comes from achieving a goal or a dream is short-lived. If you’re like me, 20 seconds later you’re wondering what’s next. Goals will come and go and keep getting achieved.
Enjoy the anticipation instead!
The thing with anticipation (aka the journey) is that it’s almost always more fun than the actual event (aka the goal) you’ve been waiting for to happen.
It’s been said before and I’ll say it again – really, really, enjoy the ride. Cos when it’s over, that’s what you’ll remember.
Don’t make the memory about getting off the roller coaster and being sick, make it be about the stars you saw on top of the ride, the people who looked like ants below, and the gobs of fun you had squealing and laughing.
The moments each day is made up of, the tears and smiles, the ups and downs.
And one more thing – Forgive yourself. Love yourself. That is all.
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So .. watchu thinking? What’s your take on Happiness as a Goal vs a Value? What do you believe is your natural state of being? Do you agree or disagree with this post? I’m inviting your comments and would love to know what you’ve got to say! Cheers!
From Victim to Victor – A Personal Note
Or, Don’t Rain on my Parade.
I’ve been back in Queenstown, this town I called home for 4 years, for an entire day and still can’t believe I’m here.
It feels like a surreal dream, one that I haven’t quite woken into.
Walking down the town centre and running into people I know, going to the grocery store and running into more..
Jetlagged and tired, in a familiar yet different surrounding. To find a Queenstown Summer turned into a Vancouver Winter (sorta, but I’m exaggerating a little bit – it’s raining but it’s not that cold).
This is a town that saw some of my worst times.
I won’t go into details but suffice to say it rubbed me raw in many ways and led to a lot of growth, learning and healing after being broken into a thousand pieces. When I left nearly 2 years ago, it was painful and hard.
So of course, I was a little nervous about being back here, even though the excitement was pretty rampant.
It almost feels like a pilgrimage of sorts, visiting my past, the memories of a Tia who doesn’t exist anymore except in the deep, dark corners of the not-so-distant-past.
I feel strangely vulnerable and exposed.
Which is why when something happened today that made me feel a little “helpless”, I realised how easy it used to be for me to slip into the ‘poor me, I have no choice’ victim role.
And how although much has changed since then, this is still a familiar emotion and feeling, one that my body recognises uncomfortably well.
Long story short, due to extreme tiredness, jetlag (still!) and unclear thinking, a little miscommunication resulted in me being ’stranded’ for 1.5 hours in the rain, waiting for a friend with whom I was to ride home, while she waited for me at the actual place we were to meet.
In that time, I lived a lifetime of feeling paralysed, stuck and unable to act.
I didn’t have the external tools I needed (cell fone to call my friend, car to drive home myself etc) but luckily, I DID have some internal tools.
Byron Katie’s work (which I’ve been leaning into a lot of late), closing my eyes and breathing into the knot in my stomach and the dizziness in my head, allowing myself to feel frustrated, and consciously choosing how I wanted to feel instead.
Each time the “I can’t believe this is happening to me” thoughts arose, I’d stop and ask myself “how is this making me feel and do I still want to feel this way”?
Sometimes the answer was yes, so I let myself wallow in feeling sorry for myself till the answer changed.
I wish I could say I did all that and it was fine.
Instead, I had to consciously keep changing my state at least 7-8 times in 1.5 hours before I managed to make it stick it out in the state of calm and “holy mother of God, what a lesson I just learned”.
The lesson being, if you’re gonna step into the past, make sure you take the present with you.
We all have an Achilles heel, a behaviour / thought / person/ circumstance that trips us up.
You know – they’re the ones that make you go “wow, I thought I was past that by now” or “I’ve been through this a 100 times, I really should know better” or “when will I ever learn” or something equivalent.
Where in your life do you find yourself stepping into the past and forgetting how far you’ve come in an instant?
If I were to share my thoughts on this (and I will), I’d say
- Find yours, acknowledge them, really know them
- Be aware of what triggers them
- Have tools and strategies to manage the situations and feelings they thrive on
- Don’t let them fool you into thinking you haven’t accomplished anything, this is just a reminder to show you that you have
So the next time those old triggers pop up, you can do your thing, smile to yourself and say “I’ve come a long way, baby”.
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As you chart new plans and desires for the coming year, I invite you to look back at the progress you’ve made thus far. What are you really proud of? Where do you still need to be more conscious in your actions? Where in your life have you gone from being a Victim to a Victor? Celebrate that!
My 2010 Goals List, Inspired by Chris Brogan
DECEMBER!!!!!!!!
It’s here and shooting by fast. I leave on a 5 week trip to Queenstown, New Zealand, my home away from home in less than 42 hours and am beyond excited!
At the same time, I’ve been thinking a lot about the Year of the Tiger and all that I want to accomplish.
This month is all about reviewing and laying foundations for the coming year.
So it was perfect timing when I saw this Business Plans and Wishlist for 2010 post by Chris Brogan. I’m upping my goal setting ante and joining the party publicly. Why wait till New Years Eve to ask for what you want?
Get started now, so that when 2010 rolls around, you’ll have a sharp vision and direction for your business and personal life.
Cos, as you know, when you get really clear about what you want and put it in writing, all sorts of synchronistic events and opportunities start happening ‘out of the woodwork’. I for one, am getting the ball rolling now!
Heck, I ain’t stopping at a Biz List, I’m going the whole hog.
(Be sure to write down a few of your goals and intentions after you finish reading this post, writing and committing have magical powers. You and I, we’re gonna get a HEAD start on attracting what we want next year, woohoo!)
2010 Business Plans & Wishlist
- New biz: Launch new top secret social media business and be super successful with it. Kidding, it’s not top secret.
- Re-brand existing Coach T.I.A business and focus on a very small niche market that I’m currently fine tuning
- Products: Create 3 e-books and audio products for a wider audience
- Writing: Write 2 articles a week for examiner.com as Vancouver’s Social Media Examiner
- Productivity: Solid systems and structures in place to sustain my business while I travel for weeks at a time
- Connecting: Get super tight with amazingly inspired entrepreneurs / coaches and work together on JV’s and programs
- Workshops: Host a live in-person workshop in collaboration with a kick ass entrepreneur in Vancouver (if that’s you reading, call me!)
- Blogging: Get very focused and clear in my writing, attract thousands of very engaged and interested readers who form a solid community and love hanging out here
- Income: 6 figure income from multiple streams of income, all of which I love being involved with (yes, I know how grammatically incorrect that is, lol)
2010 Personal Goals & Wishlist
- Home: Move into a gorgeous apartment / house with great lake, mountain and skyline views
- Community: Connect with my tribe, like minded cool peeps at a deeper level than ever before, in person as well as via social media / facebook
- Fitness: Get my triceps back and be fit enough to climb the Grouse Grind in 50 minutes (current time 1.5 hours); this of course = being my best shape ever
- Love: ♥♥ Meet and marry the love of my life ♥♥
- Personal Growth: Face and overcome many fears and self limiting beliefs so I am living a full, alive, passionate, no holds barred, fabulous life!
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Your Turn! Tell me what you want 2010 to bring you / what you plan to invite into your life. If you haven’t thought about it yet, NOW is the time so just start typing – you may discover something new and at the very least, start focusing on your goals once you write them down. Looking forward to reading yours as well
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