You brought up an important distinction here “I do fear I may get walked on because I discount any wrong doing because I blame my expectations for being too high.” It can be tricky, this one but a good way to know what the boundary is by asking yourself if YOU would treat someone that way.

If someone is saying or doing something that doesn’t make you feel good, it could be time to go within and ask your body / intuition what it feels. Our bodies are much wiser (omg I almost typed wider, LOL) than we give them credit for and getting in touch with your senses is one way to start trusting your intuition.

Thanks for sharing your example about your accident Missy. You are one heck of a brave woman to realise you wanted, but ultimately didn’t NEED this friend’s attention. Kudos to you for finding it within yourself!

I’ll bet you anything that this brings you more love and attention but the best part is, you’ll appreciate it without needing it – freedom!!

I remember as a kid, whenever I got sick, my mum’s attention would be on me 100% – she’d sit up all night cold-compressing my fevered brow and it was this amazing experience of being totally loved and cared for (inspite of the delirium!). To this day, when I get sick I want her! Of course now I’m all growed up so I’ve learned to care for myself.

Guess what I’m saying here is that we don’t need to be sick to love or care for ourselves the way we wish someone else would.

We can practice self-love everyday! Of course it’s great to be looked after but it’s when we don’t expect it that it comes as a touching, heartfelt gesture. And when we demand it, somehow it still doesn’t feel good as it would if it came from the heart.

I’m so honoured to have you here and would love to hear from you again. Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing, Missy xo

As I sit and type my only real expectations that come to light surround people. I remember a quote along the lines of its not people that let you down, its your expectations of people that let you down. This has served me well, but I do fear I may get walked on because I discount any wrong doing because I blame my expectations for being too high. Or if I ask for help and it is not forthcoming, I blame myself for asking. Think there may be some confidence issues there !

I’ve a prime example – I had a nasty accident last year and a friend bent over to help me – he was a true star. I’ve slowly recovered and his attention has waned. 7 months on and I’ve just had an operation to fix my collar bone. I’ve obviously taken a major step back on the feeling poorly front. Where is he ? Hardly anywhere to be seen. I expected the love and attention I had last time – and my expectations are high of the mark. I am not his responsibility.
I am, however, stronger from his lack of attention – so I obviously found the love from within I needed.

Thanks Tia – this is one of the best posts in recent weeks to resonate with me.

Thanks for reminding us that often, what bothers us about others has NOTHING to do with them, and everything to do with our own stuff. I like to pick up an imaginary mirror and ask “what about this person or situation bothers me” and “what does it mean for my own growth, where do I have some learning to do”?

And I’ll find some limiting belief or unacknowledged fear which has been muddying up my vibe. Then it’s simply a matter of working through it and changing it to something more useful.

Another FANTASTIC point you made was about “not taking it personally”. I so want to repeat that again – it’s not personal!!

When people fail to live up to expectations, it is NOT about you, it’s about them (in that, they aren’t doing it on purpose to hurt you, it’s their own personal living out of their journey).

And in the same vein, it’s not about them, it’s about YOU (and your expectations, which only you can manage)

Whew, I feel like I just got off a merry-go-round

“Why would any of us want to tie our own sense of well being to the inner struggles of not just anyone, but everyone else?!” Indeed, when it can be challenging enough to tie it to our own selves!

“I often tie this line of thought with one of my Ho’oponopono meditations with amazing and freeing results.” ——– Any chance we can get you to share your favourite meditation with us? I would LOVE that! Thank you for such an interesting discussion Jim, you just took us to a whole new level.

I say this in a prayer like meditation several times a day and it makes such a difference in my life. When you accept that what may serve to frustrate, anger or even just annoy us about others generally has nothing to do with us, it helps to clear away all of those expectations.

It is so freeing not to find ourselves tied to the struggles others are facing, and taking it personally when they fail to live up to expectations. Ours or theirs.

Why would any of us want to tie our own sense of well being to the inner struggles of not just anyone, but everyone else?!

I often tie this line of thought with one of my Ho’oponopono meditations with amazing and freeing results.

Thanks for this post! Amazing stuff!!

I appreciate your thoughts about needing leading to lack and heaviness in life and relationships. It’s something to be aware of on a constant basis (I almost said need to be aware of *hehe* but it’s a preference, not a need right!). Gosh, how easy it is to forget that.

Wondering if you or anyone else has tips and ideas on how else to manage “needs” and turn them into preferences? I just know there’s more to it ..